Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Another "Sweet Moment"

Another time we were trying to have a sweet moment.....

Doughie thought it would be great to get pics of us fake napping together. Sassy, as always, is trying to "cop a feel".

Many...many pics were taken. It soon became apparent that one of us was NEVER going to cooperate.

This is my "mommy dearest" look in action.

Ever have your "mommy dearest" look come out to play? Please share!

Monday, March 30, 2009

A sweet moment.....

Sassy was sick. She was needy and wanted to be held all day. We were laying on the couch watching Spongebob together. She turned to me and we were face-to-face. We gave each other "Eskimo kisses" (when you rub noses together). Anyway, it was just a sweet moment. A moment that I wanted to remember for when she was older and no longer wanted to be with her mother.

She rubbed her hand across my cheek and said, "Momma?"

I said, "Yes? My little angel from heaven?" (That is what I call my girls when I am feeling especially motherly and generous)
She looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and said, "You have a mustache like Papa."


I sincerely hope not......

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Tale of the Evil Cutter

Insanely, my sister and I went shopping to Ross-Dress for Less on a Saturday. Any and all things that later happened should have been expected, if not anticipated. Ross on a Saturday, is like a family reunion in hell--hot and uncomfortable, too many people, people touching you that you don't want touching you, babies screaming, tortured-looking men waiting for wives, I could go on and on.

Well, we piled our cart full of bargain treasures and went back to the miniscule dressing rooms. We could only take in eight items at a time, so we had to leave some of our items behind. The hairied attendant promised to watch or items, and we trustingly went in. Well, when I came out to get more items, it was to find that a couple of our skirts had sashayed over into another cart. I asked the lady for the skirts back and she pretended not to understand me. I gestured for the skirts back and she pretended not to see me. So, I asked the attendant for help, thankfully, I don't know how, she got the items back.

After trying on many outfits, we found some "gems" and went to stand in line. The lines were long and slow. We chatted happily about our "finds" and we slowly but surely got closer to the cashier. We were two people away and the anticipation of finally being able to leave was palpable. In fact, the lady in front of us, only had two items--bless her soul--and we knew our parole was almost over. In our eagerness to be free, we removed all the clothing from the hangers and put everything in piles to help our cashier. When to the right, this woman with a cart piled high, parked in front of the lady (remember two item lady?) parked directly in front of her. My mind couldn't quite comprehend what was going on. Internally, I yelled, "What the BLANK does she think she is doing?!!" But instead I croaked out a weak, "HEY!" To which the woman (in front of two item lady) turned around and sang out to us, "I was holding her place in line. You don't mind do you ladies?"

I was dumbstruck, out of the haze I heard my dear older sister say philosophically (at least that is how I am going to pretend she sounded), "Nice! So instead of them looking like witches for cutting, we will look like witches if we don't like it!" I smiled and tried to change the subject, but my mind was in agreement. "Pretend it didn't happen....don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. What would Oprah do?" I chanted internally.

At this time, the lady with two items (remember her?) turned around and said sweetly but loudly, "I hope you don't mind, but I am holding a place for four of my friends." To which the three of us all cackled meanly and turned to glare at the other two woman--who seemed highly insulted that we weren't more friendly about the situation.

I know....I know....we had a chance to take the high road and what did we do? We bought our clothes and road our brooms home.

Moral of the story: NEVER CUT IN FRONT OF HOT (as in sweaty) WOMEN, IN ROSS, ON A SATURDAY! Tis Ugly and should be avoided!

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Santa is Real!

I had to share this picture....I remember when I took it, I was wondering what she was thinking about. When she got off of Santa's lap, I asked her and this is what she said, "That wasn't a helper. I believe that was the REAL SANTA!" That would explain the look of awe on her face. I like to think Santa is real too.....

Do your kids still believe? My oldest is eight, and is a firm believer....

I have a friend who thinks it is terrible to perpetuate the myth of Santa...what do you think? I think it is terrible to perpetuate child abuse and stuff like that....Santa is fun and teaches you to give....

I do admit, it is odd that we encourage our children to go sit on a stranger's lap, take candy from him, and tell him their deepest desires.....but I digress....

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Hop on my back Mom!

Sassy regularly asks me to "Hop on her back." Besides going to jail, I wonder what would happen if I ever tried? Poor little thing wouldn't know what squished her.....

Somehow...I think it would look like this cartoon. Except you would only see her toes sticking out of my stomach!

Do you kids ever ask you to do anything crazy?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A few things I don't like to hear.....

This is what I would like to do when I hear these things.....

1. "Oh no! MOM! You have a mess to clean up! Doughie, will you pour me another cup?"

2. "Oh, I didn't know you used that toothbrush. That is the one Sassy uses to clean the sink."

3. "We didn't pour in all the bubbles...it was papa!"

4. "I'm really sick....I can't go to school. (pause) Can I play on the computer?"

5. "I'm really sick....I can't go to church. (pause) Can I play on the computer?"

6. "It is your turn to clean my room!! I did it last time!"

7. "What? This again for dinner?!" To which I reply, "It has been a long time since we have eaten this..." To which Big C responds, "Not long enough...."

8. "Look! I poo'ed"

9. "BUT I have looked EVERYWHERE!!" (Another favorite of Big C's)

AND, I saved the best for last.....

10. "But MOM! Boogers are tasty!" Yep...I sunk to a booger joke....gross...gross...gross....

Do you have any to add to the list?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Caught in the Act

I was talking to a good friend on the phone the other day. It went something like this:

Me: "How are you?"
Her: "Great! How are you?" At this time I could hear someone pounding on her front door.
Me: "Is this a bad time? Do you need to get the door?"
Her: "No, It's okay. I am just going to ignore it." Odd...but I didn't question. The pounding on the door didn't stop however. We continued our conversation when I heard her 4-year-old yell distinctly, "MOM! MOM! Are you done pooping yet? I really need you!"


Me: "Uhh....do you need to go? UHHH....I mean, do you need to help your son?" And then, I couldn't help myself, I started laughing--loud and obnoxiously.
Her: "Well, I guess there is no graceful way to get out of this one. I have been caught. Now you know what I do while talking to you on the phone." Honestly, too much info.
Me: "How were you going to explain the flush?"
Her: "Blame it on one of my kids. That is what I always do....." Good tip for the future!

I think she would benefit with a setup like this! Then she could really multi-task! You know who you are and I love you!

Share if you have had a similar situation..... :D

Monday, March 23, 2009

Another Song

I promised more "music gems" from our budding artist. This one was written over a year ago for Big C's birthday. When you read it, think of "Boys to Men" or "Mariah Carey" singing it--the last word in each sentence is sung with at least 12 notes.

"Papa, it is your birthday! (Started out strong...)
Thanks for all the love and Care. (Good so far)
Even though you are mean to us.... (What? Did I hear that right? Ouch! I just snorted Pepsi up my nose)
We will love you forever." (Coughing on the Pepsi with tears streaming down my face--Doughie interprets them as tears of joy and pride.)

I asked her to sing it many more times.

I haven't enjoyed a song more in years. In fact, I still sing this one to Big C when he deserves it! :D

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Is it pathetic to comment to your own post?

Big C was noticing that the person who comments the most on my blog is me! Is that just sad and pathetic? Or is it another way for me to talk to myself? Just another way for my insane side to manifest itself? Personally, I like responding to those who have commented.

Do you ever comment to your own posts?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Picture Tag

I have been tagged by my blogging buddy 2busy! Basically, I had to go into my 6th picture folder and publish my 6th picture! Here it is:

Big C enjoying his new Easter bonnet last year! Isn't he adorable! You should see the matching gloves--oh so precious!

I now "tag" 6 people to do the same! Go into your 6th picture folder and select the 6th pic! Here they are: Holly, Willy, JulieJ, Frogluver, Sarah Nanine, and Amberly.

Ironically, I can go into every folder and find a pic like this one. I married a ham! Case in point:

There are many....many....more.....pray for me.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pot calling the kettle black.....

We were waiting in the drive-thru at McDonalds when my daughters noticed an old man, sitting in his car, picking his nose. (It wasn't a scratch but a deep-involved pick)

It went something like this:
Doughie, "Mom, look at that old man! He is picking his nose!"
Sassy, "That is gusting!" I noticed it wasn't so disgusting that she stopped watching.

Both girls were riveted--who needs tv's in the car when you have an old man picking his nose?

Doughie, "Wow! If he doesn't stop, he is going to make his nose bleed!" Spoken like a true professional.
Sassy, "GROSS!"

Doughie, "He should know better--he is old! Even older than Grandpa I bet!"
Sassy, "Grandpa has blue suckers...."
Doughie, "Don't you think his mom taught him any better? (quietly) Do you think his mom is even alive?"
Me, "Stop watching him! I have heard enough!"
Doughie undeterred, "Do you think he will eat it?"

Sadly, I don't know the answer to that lovely question because our food FINALLY CAME! I think I scared the cashier with the look of disgust on my face and my dry-heaving.....

I thought it was rich that my girls were criticizing someone else for performing a pastime that they find so enjoyable themselves.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


We were driving to dance the other night when Doughie asked me when she should "unleash her talent to all the world." (singing) She went on to say that she didn't want to do it too soon, because she needed to get faster at running. She already has a couple of boys who chase her at recess and she is convinced that when she "unleashes her talent" it is going to be a free-for-all!

She said dramatically, "The Jonas Brothers have many girls chasing them and I just know it is going to be the same for me. So, do you think I should wait until I am 16 or 14?" (I am not sure how she came to these numbers but they sound good to me.)

Never having talent that needed to be "unleashed" I told her to wait until she was 16....that would give her plenty of time to practice her running.....what do you think?

One of the few bands I would have chased....if I had been alive. Now, they would be too easy to catch and old smelling.....or dead smelling? I know...I know...I took it too far--yet again.

Who would you chase if given the opportunity?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Sassy and I were out shopping at a local Wal-Mart--good times. Anyway, every time someone would pass us, she would say, "My mom likes to tickle herself!" The first time I heard it, I was shocked, laughed too loudly, and mumbled a comment about my "little monkey and the crazy things she says." Thankfully, Sassy can be hard to understand and most of the people just smiled blankly and walked quickly on. Well, by the fifth person, I knew my odds of someone understanding were getting greater. So, we stopped on an abandoned pet supplies aisle and I told her, "Sassy, I don't tickle myself."

She said, "Yes you do!"

Again, I said, "I don't know what you are talking about...but I don't tickle myself."

She said, "You do it everyday! I see you!"

Me, "You see me? You must be dreaming--my little monkey!"

She said, "No! You do it everyday with this!" At this, she pointed to the package of deoderant in the bottom of my cart.

How funny...I wonder what she thinks while I am doing other things.....I shudder to think what she supposes I am doing when I clean my ears or shave my legs.....:D

Pic of Big C tickling me. I was really enjoying it apparantly.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dove Promises.....

This is a Dove Promise (the notes inside your delicious chocolate) as interpreted by my 8-year-old.

The Dove Promise: "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow."

Doughie's interpretation: "Wow! You know what that means? That means you have to do something very risky and dangerous!!! Let me have another one!"

For some reason, I found this hilarious.....probably need to get more sleep. :D

Side note: If I created my own Dove message it would be, "Yes, you already ate it. Hence, the empty wrapper--pace yourself."

What would your "Personal Dove Message" be?

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Saga of Baby Alive

More about Sassy's new dolly.....

Well, the other night, I was downstairs when I heard the water being turned on and off at regular intervals--never a good sign. When I came upstairs, I found that Sassy was giving her new doll a bath in the bathroom sink with shaving cream. Not only was the bathroom sink overflowing, but all my accessories on my counter were swimming in a 1/2" of water. When I stepped into the bathroom, I found the floor was soaked too....joy! Sassy looked at me and asked, "Are you going to take a picture?" I told her very quietly...."no" and that she needed to go to her bedroom for a timeout.

After I cleaned up the bathroom, which seemed like a lengthy ordeal, I wrapped the baby doll in a towel and took it to Sassy. I told her sternly "NEVER AGAIN" and then went into the kitchen to start dinner. Sassy followed me with her baby and opened the door to the kitchen garbage. She then proceeded to throw her baby away. I asked her, "What are you doing?" To which she replied, "I'm throwing her away. She gets me in trouble!" Nice.....

Sadly, Baby Alive was taken away by Child Services until Sassy is a more fit mother. Or more exactly, Baby Alive is in my closet until Sassy can prove she will be nicer to my bathroom.

Sassy and Baby Alive during happier times......

Saturday, March 14, 2009

She's working it!

Sassy got a new doll that she told me she "loved" and that it is the "best baby ever!" It is a Baby Alive doll that goes potty. She has been feeding her baby plenty of water so she can enjoy the thrill of changing diapers. It provides her endless delight.

Anyway, we were in the car, and Sassy had her new baby. This is what she said:
Sassy, "Mommy, my new baby told me she wants McDonalds."
Me, "Really? She said that?"
Sassy, "Yep! And if you don't she is going to cry real bad!"

I had to give her points for originality. Sadly, it wasn't enough points to get McDonalds.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Had to share!

I liked this card. It makes me feel like I am that much more prepared. I think old McDonalds fries should count too! What do you think?

I have to admit that it is a little disturbing when you see your child snacking on a fry...when you know you haven't been to McDonalds in over a month. Sadly, I still let her eat it.

Am I the only one who does this?

(Note: card can be found at Lineuponlinecards.com)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

There's a Pink Potty in my Pantry--Try saying that 10 times fast!

Whoever's bright idea it was to make a potty into a stepstool when your business was finished, would have rethought the idea with a kid like mine. Sassy's pink potty is dragged, full and empty, much to my frustration all over the house. Some ideas aren't good ones....like as a kid, I thought the large forks used to toss salads should serve a dual purpose as back scratcher--about as sanitary as a potty in the pantry. What am I going to do?

There's a potty in my kitchen....oh the joy!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Happy B-Day Dad

Dad I hope you have a very wonderful b-day! Someone should take you out.....wait! I already did! I am such a wonderful, thoughtful, good-looking, and let's not forget humble daughter. If this post doesn't get a response from your posterity, then, you will know who should inherit all--ME!!


Just a couple of cards for you!
Doughie wants you to know that this afflicts everyone of all ages.....If I remember correctly, I have a little brother who really had this problem--probably still does. :D

I especially like this one......
(Note: the cards can be found at LineuponLinecards.com)

Kissing? SICK!!

Big C had just got home from work. I went over and gave him a hug and kiss. Doughie said, "You two are SO sick!" And Sassy said, "No Doughie, me sick." She coughed pathetically and said, "Mommy and Papa are gross!"

I am sure all of you who have witnessed our PDA over the years, and complained about it, are saying a silent "Amen Sister!"

You may recognize this pic of Big C and I kissing. Yeah...we are that good!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Uncool Playroom

Doughie told me that her playroom is "so uncool" and needs to be redone immediately. She wants me to paint it pink and blue. Well, after remembering the hours and hours I spent the first time, I told her no. I am so mean.

Heck, I remember my playroom, here is a pic.....yeah right, we didn't have playrooms! My "playroom" was the backyard with a 15-year-old, rusty swingset that you needed a tetanus shot before you played on it. The slide was tricky, it was metal and slowly ripping off, you had to play on it just right so you wouldn't tear your rump!

I guess if the worse thing I do as a mother is make my 8-year-old have an uncool playroom--I will take it.

At least Sassy seems to like it.

Heck, I still like it. But what do I know? I was content with a rusty swingset and lawn darts.

What do you think?

Monday, March 9, 2009


Sassy, "Mom, I need a sheeshu!"

Me, "You need a dog?"

Sassy, "Mom, I need a sheeshu!!"

Me, "You need to go potty?!"

Sassy, "MOM, I need a sheeshu!!!"

Me, "Show me....show me, I don't know what you are saying!"

Doughie, "Mom, she is asking for a TISSUE (she says this really slow because it is obvious to everyone that I am mentally incompetent.)

Me, "A tissue? OF COURSE! I KNEW THAT....." Honestly, the amount of nose fodder smeared on her cheek and her elaborate gesturing at her face (Vanna White has nothing on my kid) should have been my first clues...but I have never professed to be a crack whiz....CSI Miami is not knocking on my door for my mind--just my body!

That is me on the far right--obviously! I reign "the look" in when I am at home, work, or play. (Why the random reference and pic? My brother told me I will get more people to look at my blog if I include pics--even if they don't pertain. So we will find out!)

Share (PRETTY PLEASE) if you have had trouble understanding your little ones.....

Saturday, March 7, 2009

What is the deal with the big metal stars?

I see them everywhere:
**The Craft Store
**The Home Decor Store (every shape, size, and color imaginable)
**Over mantels
**On front doors
**Above Garage Doors
**On living/family room walls
**As Patio Decor


I even have a friend who prides herself in having one in every room!

What is with the stars ladies? My daughter told me it is because we aren't in school anymore and can't have stars on our homework.....so instead, we put them on our homes....Is she right?

Why do you have a big metal star?

Please note: I am not criticizing.....just wondering...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Give up...she doesn't get it! More tales from Primary.....

At church a couple weeks ago, they were playing a game to quiet the children. One child stood at the front of the room quietly and looked for another child who was equally quiet. The picker (sounds like a hygiene problem) would pick a quiet child. The picked (sounds like a zit) would go to the front and have their turn. Round and round the game went--the picker would pick, the pickee would pick a new picker, and so on. The kids really seemed to enjoy this game and the room was the quietest it had been the entire hour....except for my kid. Sassy was bouncing up and down on my lap, waving at the reverent kid in front, "whispering" loudly, "Pick me kid! Pick me!" I tried to explain to her that she had to be quiet to be picked, when "Prince Charming" (that is how he introduced himself the first day of class) tapped my knee and said seriously, "Give up! She doesn't get it!" How true...how true....Thanks again Prince Charming!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Who needs real flowers?

For Valentine's, Doughie made me a paper flower. It is her own pattern and I was impressed with her skills. She tries to be crafty but isn't always successful. However, this time, she did great. She told me, "I didn't waste my money buying you flowers....that would be crazy when there are important things to buy like webkinz! So, I made you one instead."

I will take a homemade flower any day......besides, who can dispute her logic?

This is a pic of her paper flower and a flower she made out of Pixos. What a girl!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It gets Better........NOT!!!!

This is a continuation of this morning's post.

This happened a few hours after what I reported earlier.

What is this? It is the inside of my newly cleaned car. The weather was so beautiful (a balmy 40') that I thought I would clean out a few french fries before we went on our errands.
Why did I take a pic of my car? The car is locked, thanks to Sassy, and the car keys are on the seat. I have one door that never locks--always has to be manually locked--ironically, today was the day it decided to work!! Sassy hopped out of the car, after locking the doors and proudly said, "I locked the doors! You're welcome mommy!"

After much hyperventilating and trying to open the doors by brute strength and mind power....I noticed this:

The reading lights are on...I am trying to be positive...at least it wasn't the headlights!!!!

I am staying in bed tomorrow!!! All I have to say is that it is a DARN good thing she is cute......

Why you should NEVER use Tylenol PM

I woke to find this:

What is it? My butter tray.
Why does it look like this? Sassy loves butter and those are her claw marks. I guess she was making her own breakfast.

I went to pour some milk, to find that the milk was missing.
I found it here:

This is Sassy's "hidey hole" where she stashes her treasures. Apparantly, she needed some milk to wash that "delicious" butter down.

I opened it to find this:

What is this? Sassy's straw from her Happy Meal the night before. I wasn't very "happy" to see it.

I then decided to go to the only room I can find privacy and have a timeout--before I freaked out. To find this:

What is it? Sassy's potty dumped upside down to make a cozy condo for Spongebob. (Please note: I am only guessing about the condo part.) Thankfully, I never thought I would be thankful for this, Sassy used the equivelant of a roll of toilet paper when she was finished and it eliminated much of the mess.

Why does this all seem staged and why did I have my camera handy? It started with the butter.....I took a picture to show Big C later....and that is when I found the milk.....and so on. During the photo shoot, Sassy was calling "Saweee! Saweee!" from a safe vantage point. It's days like this that I wonder why I ever got out of bed.......:D

Ever had a morning like this? Please share!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Who does Eeyore think he is?

We were watching "Winnie the Pooh" the other day when it sparked an interesting discussion:

Doughie, "Mom, why did Eeyore give Piglet's house away? Did he own it?"

Me, "Well, I am not sure. I don't think he owned it....."

Doughie, "That is so rude!! It was Piglet's home! Piglet needs a house too...just as much as Owl!"

Me, "You have a point....never thought about it....At least Piglet gets to be a hero!"

Doughie (snorts) "A hero? Who wants to be a hero? I would rather have a house!"

She has a point...Yet again, another Disney classic has been changed for me forever. Instead of thinking of "Winnie the Pooh" as the somewhat boring classic about animals, I will now think of it as the tale where a grumpy donkey evicts a shy and stuttering pig (for no reason) to give it to a pompous owl. Interesting......one more illusion gone!

Word to the wise: During these economic times, if Eeyore is standing at your door, don't let the SOB in! :D

What do you think? Was Eeyore within his rights?

Monday, March 2, 2009

What happens while you are blogging.....

She is not happy about being caught. She also has shaving cream smeared all over her legs...


The Shopping Trip

It went something like this:

1st stop: $2 fabric store (this is an honest-to-goodness fabric store--no toys and candy like other "fabric stores")

***The response: "Oh no! Not here!"

2nd stop: Home Depot

***The response: "Again?!! Not again!" (I heart home improvement stores.)

3rd stop: DI (thrift store from Hades)

***The response: "Why? WHY HERE???!!!!!!"

At this point, I honestly believe that if my 3-year-old knew any profanity, I would have heard it. Ironically, if Big C had been with me, I believe his responses would have been nearly identical. (If I really want to torture Big C, I just add Winco to the mix on a Saturday)

Have you had any similar shopping trips?