Tissue anyone?

We were traveling in the car when my oldest asked for a tissue. I retrieved my travel pack of tissues from the console and gave her a couple. I knew if I didn't ask my youngest, she would inevitably ask once the tissues were put away. So I asked, "Sassy, do you need a tissue too?"

To which she replied, "Nope! Thanks anyway...I have eaten ALL my boogers."

Isn't it sweet that she said "thanks anyway"....I was so proud.

Why do you need a horse when you have a cheetah?

Doughie is dying to have me type a post about her new cheetah ($2.49 at Walgreens on clearance--I just love a good deal!)

Here is the post....Doughie got a new cheetah and she rides it like a horse. She wants me to say that "even though horses are fast....cheetahs are faster. That makes cheetahs better to ride!" However, to me, both are stuffed animals and can only move as fast as Doughie....and I am still faster. So, really, this post should be, "It doesn't matter what I ride. My psycho mom still chases me down and tickles me." But what do I know? I am just the psycho mom.

Ironically, the cheetah was deemed to have "freaky eyes" and is not allowed in the bedroom at night time.

Your turn! Do your kids have toys they ride? OR toys that aren't allowed in the bedroom at night?

Side note: I think the cheetah chewed off Sassy's clothes...pesky thing! I am going to use that as my new excuse as to why Sassy is disrobed in so many pics...."It was the cheetah (sigh) AGAIN!" :D

Proud Parenting Moment #1,206

I was at the playland at McDonalds when the lady at the adjacent table turned to me and said, "Your daughter is really cute!"

I said, "Thanks. I think so too."
The lady with an amused look said, "She told me my daughter was cute, but stinky."

Nice......

So, in the car, I asked Sassy about her conversation. I said, "Sassy, did you talk to the lady with the baby?"

Sassy, "Yes."

Me, "What did you say?"

Sassy, "I told her her baby was Soooooo Cute! And that it was stinky and her needed to take a tub cuz her smelled bad!"

That's my girl....shy to the core! :D

Your kid ever say anything you wish you could take back? Please share!

Would you like to super-size that?

My girls were playing outside when Sassy came up and started pounding on the slider door. I opened it up and asked, "What do you need."

She said, "Well....I would like a Dr. Pepper and something to eat."

I said, "Sassy, this isn't a drive-thru."

She replied with, "What else do you have to do in there?" I was surprised she didn't end her sentence with, "besides serve me...."

Nice....

"The slide is Missing!"

We went to the dentist today. As a kid, I hated going to the dentist; ironically, my kids love it. Their dentist has a slide, a train that choo choo's around the ceiling, a play area, a game station, books and more. My dentist had old magazines...it just doesn't seem fair.

Well, when we got there, something was missing--the slide. In a large train facade playhouse, they usually climb, play, AND slide. The slide is now another section of the playhouse. I asked the receptionist what happened. She explained that too many parents complained about the noise and that it was deemed the slide's fault and it was removed.

I explained to Sassy that the slide was gone and that she needed to enjoy what was left. I guess she interpreted "enjoy what was left" by going around telling everyone loudly that the slide was missing.

Sassy, "HEY! HEY Guy! The slide is missing! SEE!"
Sassy, "HEY! HEY lady! The slide is missing! Sad huh?"

When she had finished her cycle of the room, she began again--to my utter delight. Finally, I dragged her away from the amused and patient people and distracted her with a book. Thankfully, once the book had been read and dissected, Doughie was finished--NO Cavities! HURRAY!

Well, it began again.
Sassy, "Doughie--LOOK! The slide is missing! It has disappeared!"
Doughie, "No! They just boarded over it--see!"
Sassy conspiratorily, "NO! IT HAS DISAPPEARED!"
Doughie, "NO! YOU CAN SEE WHERE IT USED TO BE!"

At this time, I had to go and make the 6 month appointment. At the desk, I could still hear my children arguing which quickly became yelling and laughing? The receptionist said innocently, "It sounds like the slide is back." And I smiled back knowing darn well that she knew it was my kids making the commotion and said, "Yeah...some people's kids!"


see more pwn and owned pictures
Love this pic....I wonder who thought this would be a good idea.

Do your kid's have a cool dentist? I made sure to get a cool dentist for myself. My dentist has TV's mounted on the ceiling and I get the remote all to myself! It almost makes dental work enjoyable....okay, I took that too far. It makes my visits slightly more tolerable. What about you...do you enjoy going to the dentist?

Ever feel this way?

This feels like my life somedays....how about yours?

Oh! The Carnage! When will it stop?

In memoriam....

We have killed 6 or 7 of these:


We have killed more than I can remember of these....we always seem to win them at carnivals.


We have killed two of these cute little guys. However, they weren't so cute when they died....it had to be one of the grossest things I have ever seen. Big C had the pleasure of performing the funeral and tank cleaning.


Sadly, the list doesn't stop there.....We have killed at least a hundred of these little guys. It is terrible, they are always tortured before their inevitable death.


Deciding that live pets are not our forte, I purchased this:


What is it? It is a hermit crab that grows 6 times it's size in water. Tragically, on the fourth day, it exploded into an unrecognizable mass of goo....almost as gross as the frogs. I remember Doughie yelling to me, "Mom! MOM! We killed the perfect pet! We killed the perfect pet! How can that be?" I really believe it was a sign from up above....

Undeterred, we are trying to kill these:

Honestly, I will be happy when these stinky suckers kick it. Not quite the decor I like in my kitchen.

With all due respect, do you have any pets to add to this list?

Oh the Carnage!

Absolutes

These are few things that I can rely on:

1. If I start making my bed, my daughter is going to come running from wherever she has been hiding and start jumping on it...always out of reach.

2. If I am making an important phone call, someone is going to start fighting or crying....loudly.

3. If we are in a hurry, a shoe is going to be lost.

4. If there is a filthy word on my movie or tv show, my daughters will walk in at that moment.

5. If Big C is feeling amorous, my children are feeling clingy. They can even be at the neighbors and some sort of radar ticks on. I just know they are thinking, "Something is not quite right....I need to go home! NOW! I need to find Mommy and Papa and stop whatever they are doing! NOW!" They will then come running into the house, breathless and searching.....it is very annoying to say the least. Instead of radar, we call it sexdar. I know....TMI!

6. If I run into an old friend or distant family member, I have one of three things:
* Something dark and nasty caught in my front teeth.
* Lipstick smeared all over my teeth.
* A boogie swinging out of my nose to say "hello".

Just a few joys in my life. Do you have any that you would like to add to the list?

Decorating: One of my many illnesses

One of my passion's is decorating. Passion is a kind way of saying I am obsessive/compulsive about everything decorating. I watch shows, I read magazines, I read blogs, all about decorating. I never seem to get bored with it either. My latest project is finally complete! It is a window seat in my kitchen! This project has been an albatross around my neck and I am thrilled/relieved that it is complete!



I love to decorate and cut corners. The rectangular pillows are actually $2 (on sale) placemats that I stuffed. The long pillow is a valance ($5 on clearance) that I stuffed.



The wainscoting is actually textured wallpaper. You can get it here. It is less expensive than wainscoting. You don't need power tools to apply it. It is paintable and only took me two hours to apply. To finish it off, I added a chair rail. You honestly can't tell that it isn't the real thing unless you touch it.

My daughters love the window seat and have spent hours playing there. Ironically, I still prefer using the kitchen counter.

Do you have any projects that you are currently working on? Please share!

The Window Washer

Every year, I pay a guy to wash all my windows. I hate washing windows and he does a great job....so, it is well worth the $30 I give him. Well, this year, his window washing was a great treat for Sassy. As he cleaned each window, she ran to it, and stared at him while he cleaned. She would even kindly point out spots that he had missed....creating spots on the inside for me to clean.

When she bored with this activity, she pulled me by the hand to the front window and showed me the "guy's" tools that he had left on the lawn.

She whispered, "Look Mom....he left them. They are ours forever."

Always a party-pooper I said, "No, he will be back to get them."

Sassy replied, "Let's go out and take them! Then we can make a lot of money!" She looked at me with a hopeful gleam in her eye.

I told her, "No...that would be stealing. And, I would rather eat rocks than clean other people's windows."

She said, "Rocks? You eat rocks? Are they tasty?"

Ahhhh....the mind of a four-year-old. We talked about rocks the rest of the day.
Side Note: Now that my windows are clean on the outside, I can see just how filthy they are on the inside....anyone want to perform a little Service? I am providing the opportunity...rather generous don't you think?

Is it just me or does the Spiderman on the right have love handles?

I'm seeing cross-eyed

My daughters, especially my youngest, love to cross their eyes. Sassy has found that it gets her instant attention. Honestly, I prefer eye-crossing over her other crowd pleaser "the pick and eat".

Anyway, I was out shopping with Sassy and she started crossing her eyes at this guy on the frozen food aisle. He turned to me and said, "I think there is something wrong with your daughter's eyes."

Alarmed, I turned to look at Sassy and saw her display. In a fake, happy voice I said to the concerned stranger, "Oh, she just likes to do that to get attention! It always seems to work too!" I puncuated my comment with a forced fake laugh. I am all charm I tell you....

He said, "Well it got my attention! Did you teach her that?" His tone and demeaner made it sound like I had taught my daughter this "trick" to pick up men on the frozen food aisle.

I looked at him, fake smile in place, fake voice ready and said, "NOPE! She learned it from her father!" Which is a lie...sad to say....Big C couldn't cross his eyes to save his life. However, it was effective in getting rid of the weirdo who thought I was pathetic enough to use my daughter to pick up men....AS IF! I can cross my own eyes THANK YOU! I don't need her for that! :D

Side note: I ran into the guy at least five more times in the store....awkward! Did I smile and pretend we were friendly? Pretend he wasn't there? Or turn the other way? Pathetically, I used all three methods that day. What would you have done?

Primary--You Gotta Love It!

It was my turn to teach on Sunday. I was teaching the 4-year-olds that their hands are a blessing. To start the lesson, I put my hands behind my back and said, "What am I hiding behind me back?" The correct answer, of course, was "my hands", which, ironically, was what my co-teacher teasingly guessed--not knowing she was correct. From the kids, I got answers like, "monsters" and "treats". I continued to give clues and ask "What am I hiding?" When one of the boys raised his hand and said, "I know! Your Butt!"

Shocked, I laughed and said, "Well, you are right, my butt is back there, but that isn't what I am looking for--keep guessing." Side note: What an odd lesson it would have been if that had been the correct answer--Oh my!

Inside, what I really wanted to say was this, "Well, you are right, my butt is back there, but hiding? NO! There is no hiding that monster! Thanks for pointing that out!!" And then, I would break down and start sobbing in front of the terrified group of children. Now that would have been a lesson they would never forget! I probably would have been released too...what do you think? Oh...so tempting! :D

Just a little "bum humor"!

Magic!

Note: Please meet my favorite magician: GOB BLUTH!

Sassy and Doughie were sitting at the counter eating burgers. Doughie had only one bite left of her double-patty of goodness when Sassy used the old, tried-but-true distraction method of saying, "What is that?" and pointed out the window.

Doughie looked and as she was turned away, Sassy took the last piece of burger and put it in her mouth. When Doughie turned around, Sassy said loudly, "TA DA!"

Not impressed by her trick, Doughie yelled, "MOM! Sassy ate the last of my burger!"

I asked, "Sassy, did you?"

And Sassy said breathlessly, "It was magic!"

I hate to admit, but I laughed as Doughie gave a look that clearly said, "Magic my you-know-what!"

So, to bring peace back to my kitchen counter, I told Doughie to take a bite of Sassy's burger, which, strangely, was whole. Doughie went to take a bite and yelled, "She has eaten the patty!" To which Sassy said, "TA DA!"

Sadly, instead of having a conversation with Sassy that her type of magic might be better defined as stealing, I went running down the hall, giggling, to tell Big C.

Ever have a moment like this? Please share....


When I went looking for magic pics this treat came up.....YUCKY.....thought I would share! Now your day is complete! :D

The Flower Thief

Sassy loves flowers. Sadly for my neighbors, she is always picking their most beautiful flowers. (Sorry neighbors! I really am!)

Well, the other day, she picked a beautiful daffodil. She was so proud and wanted a picture taken. After promising me that she wouldn't pick another flower from our neighbors yard (I know....I know....fat chance but one can hope!) I took this picture:


After taking the pic, I watched Sassy stroke the petals of the poor molested flower and say, "I will be the best mommy! I will take care of you forever...."

Sadly, Sassy found the water in the vase to be too tempting. The next day, I found the flower dead in the waterless vase. I asked Sassy, "What happened to all the water?"

She said, "I drank it! It was tasty!"

Me, "Uhh....flowers need water to live. I am afraid your flower is dead."

Sassy, "I was just sharing with it..."

"Sharing to Death" sounds like an after-school special. Nice.....

Sibling Rivalry

For Mother's Day, my brother put this on Youtube for our mummy:



Yes, a very talented man. Did I mention, he drew that on his Nintendo DS and composed the music, all while driving to Taco Bell for a Gordito! The man is impressive!

I did a couple things for our mummy, too. At first, I was too humble to share, but after much coaxing here are my gifts.

First, in my spare time, I painted her this cute little picture--it is nothing really...


I then thought that her garden might benefit from a sculpture and made this the other day after lunch:

For my more sensitive readers, I added a purple bikini top. As you can see, I have exquisite editing skills! :D

Believing my mother's sculpture needed a friend, I crafted this little guy:

It didn't take long...just a couple of evenings while I was helping my daughter with her homework. Please note the matching purple shorts--nothing is too good for my mummy!

Sadly, I didn't have time for anything else...maybe next year!

Did you do anything cool for your mother this mother's day? Or did you receive something or do something fabulous? Please Share! Please no over-the-top bragging, it is rude and unattractive! :D

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!

I wish all you other mother's a wonderful day! You deserve it! I know I do... :D

Dirty Feet!

I have a theory, I believe that the greeters at Wal-Mart send the following subliminal messages:

For children (at least my child): Be naughty! You are the devil and this is your playground!

For adults: Next time, wear pajama bottoms.

Anyway, we were at Wal-Mart and my 4-year-old had taken the greeter's subliminal message literally. She was everywhere.....much to our delight....and ironically, she was in her pajamas.

Well, Big C and I ran into some friends and began chatting. At this time, Sassy began running wild circles around our legs--around and around she went. After a while, she realized that she was getting the feet on her pajamas dirty.

She said, "OH NO! Look at my feet! Their gusting! What am I going to do?"

Me smugly, "Well, I guess you need to ride in the cart now."

Sassy, looking horror-struck that she might have to get back into the dreaded cart, said, "Wait! I know!" She then proceeded to lay on her stomach, feet in the air, and started commando crawling across the floor.

Me, "Sassy, get up....get up...you are getting even more dirty!"

A lady happened to be walking by at this time and said, "Well, at least it isn't her feet anymore!" Of course, all our "good moments" are witnessed by at least one smirking stranger.

After pulling Sassy to her feet, she was unhappy to see that Ariel, on the front of her PJ's, had a dirt black-eye. She is learning that sometimes you just can't win.....

Pirate Talk....

Sassy got a pirate set for Easter. She was sitting at the counter playing so cutely, I just had to pause and listen. Honestly, I was curious to hear what her pirates would be discussing. This is what I heard:

1st pirate, "I have blue pants on!"

2nd pirate, "I have black pants on!"

1st pirate, "Awesome!"

Wow....what a fearsome group of pirates! I wonder what they will talk about next? The color of their fearsome neckerchiefs? Or maybe what they will be eating at snack time? The possibilities are terrifying and endless......

If my Sassy had written Pirates of the Carribean, it would have gone something like this:

Random pirate, "Jack! What are we going to do about the Black Pearl?"

Jack Sparrow, "Not now.....I still need to eat me snack pack!"

Random pirate, who will inevitably die first, in a whiny voice, "But Jack!"

Jack Sparrow, "Barnacles! You made me spill me Dr. Pepper! Get me a napkin! ARGGGG"

Random pirate, "Here...here is your napkin."

Jack Sparrow, "I can't do it...you do it."

Random pirate, "You are old enough to do it yourself! NOW YOU WIPE UP YOUR MESS!"

Jack Sparrow, "But...me fingers are broken and me arm has an owie! You do it or you will walk the diving board!"

I could go on and on.......Unlike the original, her version would have been a blockbuster! What do you think? :D

Lapse of Judgement

I bought my four-year-old weapons. I don't know what I was thinking.....

She didn't even get to play with them for a day before they were put in timeout....for pummeling her sister...mother....and papa.....

Ever make such a mistake? Please share....

The Lemon Bar

I purchased a lemon bar from Great Harvest. I LOVE lemon bars from Great Harvest. LOVE THEM. If I could marry one....I would strongly consider it. Anyway, they are yummy goodness for the whopping price of $2. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am cheap, and it kills me to spend $2 on anything that is going to help my derriere get even bigger, but lemon bars are one of my weaknesses.

I bought one and thought happily all day of the moment when I would slowly eat it. I would be alone...maybe watching a little tv....savoring every bite. Well, the moment had arrived, and it was greatly anticipated. I bit into my lemon bar and it was everything I had wanted--an explosion of flavor! I took a second bite and stopped. I looked down at my fruity bar to see a long dark hair protruding grotesquely from it. I tried, unsuccessfully, to remove the hair. The hair seemed to be stuck in the crust, so I began to dig it out frantically. I was telling myself, that I would remove the hair, and all the matter around it, and then my lemon bar would be fine. Right? Well, that *$#%@blasted hair was all the way through my precious bar! All the way through it! I don't know if they have Rapunzel working at Great Harvest, but someone had certainly ruined my bar with their &*#$%^$& long hair! OH THE UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!!

This is an actual photo taken of me at the time.....you can see I am distraught.

Don't worry, I got over it. Will I buy another bar from Great Harvest? I want to self-righteously tell you "Never Again." But, we all know the truth....Sad but true!

One question for you....if you find a hair, do you still eat the food? If it was small one, easily removed? Big C thinks I am disgusting to ask, but, sadly, if that hair had been small and easily removed, I would have inhaled that bar so fast......Oh, it makes me sad to think about it! :D

More "texas talk" and Twilight

A couple weeks ago, I had a post about Doughie speaking in Texan. If you remember she told me that people from the "country of Texas" say, "Yee haw and a corn dog" all the time.

Well, a couple days ago, Sassy was running around the house yelling, "Yee haw and a piece of toast!"

Doughie stopped her and said, "Sassy that is not right! You sound crazy!"

I choked on my beverage....and coughed/cried/laughed for quite a while.

Twilight:
For all you Twilight lovers and haters, do I have a site for you! I found this the other night, via a friend, and I haven't laughed this hard since my honey told me he was making dinner! This self-proclaimed "Normal Mormon Husband" has figured out why women love Edward so much! Check it out and tell me what you think! Midnight Sun: Edward Undone!

Say "Sorry"

Sassy and I play a game, it goes something like this:

Sassy crying, "That chair hurt me. Make it say sorry"
Me, grabbing the chair, using my "chair voice," "Sorry Sassy! I didn't mean to hurt you!"
Sassy, "Spank it!"
Me, lightly patting the chair, "Naughty chair! Naughty!"

For some reason, it always makes her feel better. We do it a couple times a week. Sometimes it is the point on the table that hurts her, an errant toy on the floor, doesn't matter what, it is always the same routine.

Well, the other day, she said, "Mommy, make my teeth say sorry to my finger!"

That is when I decided the game had gone far enough.....I knew that it was only a matter of time before I heard, "Make my hand say sorry for hitting Doughie." Also, I really don't want to here her say to me as a teenager, "Mom, make my hand say sorry for writing the wrong answers!" or "Make my lips say sorry for kissing that boy..."

You get the idea.

Do you have any similar "games" that sadly went awry?

What the flip?

I entered a contest a couple weeks ago. It was a blogging contest and I was hoping to win a laptop. To enter, I had to join a website that is a lot like Facebook in its layout. You have a profile, people can write on your wall, etc. One way this website is nothing like Facebook, is that anyone can look and anyone can write on your wall.

I logged into my account the other day to find this beautiful message:

"Hello sweet mom,meeting you on these community.momlogic.com is my happiest thing.first and foremost i will like to bring out my feelings over you sincerely i am dieing for you.These is the reason i will like to make you my friend in any kind of friend you will want me to be.please you are the one to make a suggestion that any kind of friendship you suggest that is all i want you to be friend furthermost togetherness can move a mountain but loneliness has no progress.Those are my feelings i have for you.Have a lovely weather...And i will be expecting your words to make me feel alright.Thank you"

Brandon Tossin

Isn't that a beautiful message? It just warms the heart it does! I would be worried about the person who did find it appealing.

At first, I thought it was one of my brothers playing a joke--the name, especially, seemed fake. The fact that the joker was "dieing" for me also seemed like a line one of my brothers would tease me with. Yet, after some investigation, I found that this perp had been pasting this "lovely" message on hundreds of women's pages. The exact same message....copied and pasted over and over and over. Ironically, I got the message twice, that is how special I am!

I find it sad that you can't even enter a contest anymore without the fear of some weirdo preying on you. What do you think? Have you ever had something similar happen to you?

I didn't do it....swear!

Sassy and I were at the library....a torture chamber when you have my child. Anyway, we had used the restroom and were looking quietly at the fish. An older lady walked over and began talking to Sassy:

Older lady, "How are you sweet little thing? Do you like looking at the fish?"

Sassy, "My mom broke the toilet!"

Older lady, "What?"

Sassy, "Ya..the pee won't go down. It stinks real bad!"

Me loudly and a little high-pitched, "I like the fish. Do you? They have a lot....don't you think?"

Do you think muzzles are very expensive? I have had people suggest duct tape....but that seems harsh. :D

Correction

On Monday, I wrote a post about my daughter. I said that she sings the words to "Boogie Wonderland" as "Booger Wonderlannn". Well, she saw this post and was very unhappy. She has insisted that I post a correction. She told me this:

Doughie, "I don't sing it like that!"

Me, "How do you sing it then?"

Doughie, "I sing Booger WonderlanD." She emphasized the "D" with drama.

So there you go.....I stand corrected! :D