Wishes

They look so pretty like this....don't you think? Especially if it is out in the forest somewhere and not in your yard.

Unfortunately, they turn into this.....


Sassy calls them wishes and blows them all over the yard. I call them something that can't be repeated.

Sometimes, I wish I had the perspective of a child, where everything, even a weed, is beautiful. :D

Modified Expectations

I asked Sassy to put her stuffed animals away expecting this result:


I got this:

Funny thing....I was still amazed and surprised. I should know better by now....right?!

I am learning that if I want a certain result, I have to be very....VERY specific. Have you found the same thing?

Nevermind, You can do it.....

I would like to know how other mothers do the following: public restrooms with children. Currently, I force my 4-year-old into the cubicle with me because I have learned that if I don't, she will peek under all the other stalls while I am conducting my business. Recently, she crawled under the stall to visit with the poor, unsuspecting, and, I might add, vulnerable person. Thankfully, it was my sister.

Well, the other day, we were at the craft store restroom and I forced her to go into the handicap stall with me. We use this stall because it is nice and roomy. Well, to occupy herself, she started creating a softball-sized ball of TP. She turned to me and said as she patted my knee, "Don't worry Mommy, I will wipe you!" This comment I found especially ironic since she hasn't found the time or effort to learn how to wipe herself. Thankfully, when it was time for the paperwork, she chickened out and said, "Mommy, you a big woman. You know how to do it yourself...right?" AS IF! I learned how to do that a couple of years ago! Thank you very much! :D

I only have one little rascal to wrestle with in the public restroom, thankfully, Sassy's older sister has finally learned how to control herself in public. How do people do it with more than one? Please share!


She's a cutie...but I still wouldn't want to see her peeking at me under a stall door!

Poor...poor Ken

My brother said, "That Barbie looks like a guy..."

Me, "That's because it is."

Later....

My husband said, "Wow....Barbies get uglier and uglier."

Me, "It's a guy."

Big C, "Oh...your right. Who did that?" (Like there was any question. I had to stop myself from snidely saying "Me! That is what I do while you are at work!")


Who knew that such a sweet little baby, would be so twisted?

When I asked her why she put Ken or ,excuse me, "Prince Andre" in a dress, she said, "Because it is funny!"

I guess it could be worse. He could be nude, and possibly limbless with all the other female Barbies scattered around our house. Why does that ultimately become a Barbie's fate? Nude....limbless.....abandoned? I can't tell you how many boxes of naked Barbies I have seen at garage sales. There is an army of nude dolls out there...it is sad, but true! Maybe their clothes go to the same place lost socks go to......it is a mystery.

Have your Barbies met the same fate? Please share.

Laughing at someone else's pain...an American pastime

Doughie, very seriously, came up to me one evening and said, "When you get older, there are less things to talk about--I have noticed that." She looked around sagely and spotted her younger sister playing and continued by saying, "Sassy is so young. She laughs at everything....even when people are getting hurt."

I choked on my food and tried to fathom her thought process. I said to her, "Yes....Sassy is young. But your papa was laughing at people getting hurt tonight too." I am ashamed to admit we were watching America's home videos and enjoying it too much.

She replied by saying, "Yeah....well...that is papa...and he is a boy." Like that should explain everything. And sadly, in my mind, it did. :D

Do you ever watch America's funniest home videos and have a guilty night of mindless enjoyment?

Bake....Shmake.....

Isn't it precious? I got this fantastic cake plate and now I am pretending that I like to bake. I will be removing these babies when they are green and furry! But, for right now, I look like a regular Martha Stewart! Oh the thrill!

At church, the kids were asked what there mother's like to do. One girl raised her hand and said, "My mom likes to cook until she bakes!" I can't imagine how long that it would take....it makes me shudder to even consider it! :D

Do you like to cook or bake? Please share....I promise I won't mock! :D

Whistle while you work

My brother and daughters were waiting for me in the car. When I got back in the car my brother said, "While you were gone, I was whistling."

Me, "Yeah?"

And he said, "Sassy told me that Jesus doesn't like it when I do that."

I have to admit, depending on the whistling, I have to agree with Jesus..... :D

I asked him how he responded and he said he laughed. In his defense, it would be hard to make a snappy comeback.

I am praying that heaven has a sense of humor--it will be my family's saving grace.

Lately, Sassy has become the expert on Jesus. She is constantly telling us our behavior would not find His favor. Do your kids ever say stuff like this? Please tell me that mine are not the only ones! Misery loves company you know!

Training at my house! All invited!

I am going to be giving my family some much needed training. If you too, need this training, please contact me. It really isn't hard....I promise!

I am hoping they will remember their training this time--cross your fingers for me!

The Tooth Witch

Doughie and I were reading our nightly story. This particular story happened to be about a little girl who had lost her front tooth. Doughie had just had four teeth pulled at the dentist (at 60 bucks a pop! If I wasn't so grossed out by blood, I would have used our pliers.) Needless to say, she was very interested in this story.

In the story, the little girl told her mother that she "knew the truth" and that there was no such thing as the tooth fairy. She told her mother that the tooth fairy made "no sense" because why would anyone pay "good money" for stuff that they weren't going to use. She told her mother that a "tooth witch" took your teeth and ate them like apples. She also told her mother that one kid at school had tried to tell her that there was no tooth witch or tooth fairy--that it was your parents!!

After I had read this part of the story, Doughie stopped me and said in a sactimonious voice, "That doesn't make any sense either! Because EVERYONE knows that parents only give money on your birthday! The tooth fairy is what makes sense! A tooth witch is just gross!"

I nodded, as if engrossed in her comments, and finished the story.

What makes the most sense to me is this: I don't know what alternate reality my little girl has been living in....but I can safely say that we don't give money on birthdays either! AS IF! I save that money for MY birthday....and paying the dentist $60 a tooth! :D

After she lost four teeth, Big C and I reevaluated the amount we give for each tooth. How much does your tooth witch leave?


Poor kid--she only has her two front teeth to chew with!

Who does Number 2 work for?!

We were coming back from a long trip. My daughters were in the backseat discussing there immediate plans once we reached home:

Doughie, "I am going to go #2 FIRST THING!"

Sassy said, "Yeah? Well I am going to go #6!"

I didn't ask.....I was afraid actually.

Challenge: Name the movie I was quoting in my title.... :D

Venting about the Craft Lite Cutter

Have you ever seen this commercial? They show someone spastically cutting through the face of their spouse because using scissors is SO difficult!

Ironically, you can find anything on youtube, if you haven't seen the commmerical take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJsezVu0Buk. You only have to watch 10 seconds to see what I mean.

So, to prevent yourself from destroying all your pictures with scissors, you need to buy this cutter with a light. Honestly, the cutter looks great...but I find it really insulting that they think we all use scissors like a three-year-old. In fact, every time I see this commerical, I have to fight the urge not to talk back to the tv, "Do you think I am going to stroke while using the scissors? COME ON! Who cuts like that? Seriously!?!" I know...very trivial but for some reason, this commercial annoys me to the core.

Do you have any commercials that just drive you crazy? Please share!

Prayers

One of my favorite things....when Sassy is sleeping! :D


My little girls pray every night, and honestly, it is very similar night after night. To help their prayers have more meaning and less memorization, we have been encouraging them to share their daily experiences.

Well, the other night, Sassy changed up her nightly prayer with the following line, "And, today, I killed all the dinosaurs to make all the people safe in the town. Your welcome. Amen."

Well, I guess she is trying....wasn't quite what I was shooting for though! Call me crazy, but I don't think dinosaur genocide should be shared in a prayer. My "amen" was more of a snort. We will keep trying.

Have your kids ever said something odd in their nightly prayers?

Side note: I don't advice googling "prayer cartoons" unless you enjoy a good sacrilegious joke--the ones I found were horrible!

Reading.....a good skill to have!

A few years ago, I got an invitation to join a mail-order book club. If I accepted the invite, I was to affix the sticker to my form that said, "Yes, I love to read!" However, if I declined, I was to affix the subtle and kindly phrased sticker, "Reading hurts my brain!" I have laughed about this sticker for years, but sadly, maybe I should have joined the reading club because I have found that I am a lazy reader when it comes to long blog posts.

The lazy blog reading came to an all-time low a couple months ago. A friend, in an update posted the following:
*News about their recent vacation (including pictures)
*The death of their grandpa
AND
*Their near-death experience with an infection that went horribly awry.

The post was incredibly long and being in a hurry, I scanned the first part, enjoyed the pictures and then stupidly left the following comment, "Sounds like you have had a great time! I hope I can do the same some day!"

Later, from another friend, I found that my comment was not so appropriate. Horrified, I made a hasty phone call to remedy the situation. Thankfully, my friend has a great sense of humor.

Has this ever happened to you? How long is too long for a blog post? When do you stop reading? Have you ever left a comment that was completely inappropriate?

Pic of me reading...it was an excellent book too!

Laziness taken to a new level!

Admittedly, I can be very lazy. However, the day when I need this item....please...oh, please hold an intervention for me!


What is it? It is the Touch and Brush! It is the item that is going to revolutionize your toothbrushing experience. No longer will you have to use your hand to squeeze out toothpaste! Oh...no....you can have it dispensed for you for only $20 and the cost of a couple of batteries (not included)! What a deal!

Ironically, my daughters think this particular product looks "Cool!" They were also thrilled that it would dollop the exact amount of toothpaste every time. No more mouthfuls of toothpaste! Revolutionary! My luck....we would have toothpaste blobbed down the mirror or scraped on the side of the beautiful plastic container. Or we wouldn't be able to figure out how to put the blasted toothpaste in and make a minty mess that way.

Sadly, we will be sticking to the old-fashioned squeeze-with-your-hand method! I know--BORING!

What do you think?

Why?!?

Where do I begin?
* I don't think that is a backpack....no, I am sure it isn't.
* I don't think it was meant to be a purse.
* I hope, for Panda's sake, that everything is clean.
* Why? She has 20 purses in her room.
* What is she going to do with the jump rope?
* Is it only my kids that do things like this?

Oh the joy! You gotta love it!

Yup...another one about nose fodder!

It went something like this:

Me in exasperation, "Sassy! Quit picking your nose!"

"But MOM! I am hungry!"

Me, grossed out, "You just ate dinner!"

"Yeah? Well, this will be dessert!"

Anyone hungry for a little tapioca pudding? Rice pudding perhaps?

I have to laugh...or I would cry...or worse, start screaming psychotically.

Summer Bedding--Oooo La La!

I love to change out my bedding at least six times a year! I figure, I spend a third of my life in bed....okay, who am I kidding....half of my life in bed, that my room and bedding should be pretty. This is one of my Summer looks--it makes me happy!

My walls are relatively neutral so I can have many different looks...fun...fun..fun...for the sick decorating mind!

Raindrops are falling on my head.....

We were riding in the car and it was raining outside. Sassy asked, "Does Jesus give us the rain?"

Big C responded, "Yep! He sure does!"

Sassy, "Why?"

"Because we live in a desert and we need water to live."

Sassy, "Oh."

The next day, I was traveling in the car with Sassy and she said, "Jesus is giving us water again!"

I said, "Yep! You are right!"

She continued with, "Jesus gives us lots of things........"

"Yes he does....boy, you are a smart girl!"

And then she said, "Jesus....I want a bike!" I guess it doesn't hurt to ask.... :D

Diet Coke Anyone?

The other morning, I was in the drive-thru at McD's ordering a "healthy" breakfast for my family.
My order was this:
2 Egg McMuffins
4 Hashbrowns
1 Extra Large Coke

After I gave my order, the intercom guy said, "Diet Coke? Did you say diet Coke?"

"No. REGULAR Coke." I said this very slowly, so there wouldn't be any mistake.

Well, I drove to the window to get my food and the food guy handed me my order. As he was handing me my super-sized beverage he said, "And here is your diet Coke!"

I said slowly, "Noooooooooo! I ordered just a C-O-K-E!" I emphasized the "K" sound for dramatic effect.

Food guy apologized and got me the correct beverage.

It wasn't until I was driving away that I began to suspect that they were hinting that I needed a diet Coke. As I sat, alone, in my car, with my big bag of greasy food, I began to suspect that intercom guy and food guy thought the entire order was mine alone. That I was going to shamefully park behind a building and shove egg McMuffins into my eager pie-hole, washing it all down with my sugar-filled beverage. I got a tear in my eye....and thought "How sweet and thoughtful." I didn't realize that McDonald's employed such compassionate workers! However, If I am going to binge-eat, it isn't going to be on McDonald's food. No way! I am more classy than that! It would probably be Wendy's! :P

Big C is the Diet Pepsi drinker....I drink everything with full sugar. Diet anything wreaks havoc on my poor tummy. However, almost every time we go out to eat, the server tries to give me the diet Pepsi. Are they hinting? Are they being sexist? What do you think? Has this ever happened to you?

If you give a mouse a cookie.......

It was a Saturday afternoon and my girls were playing outside. My husband was mowing the lawn...kind of watching them, but, honestly, I would get better baby-sitting if I asked the neighbor's dog. With this in mind, I would periodically look out on my girls to make sure they were still ok.

During one of my checks, I looked out to find I couldn't see Sassy. I went running outside to find my little escapee. I first asked Big C who didn't know, "I think she is out front..." Really helpful. I went running and yelling when I heard the neighbors horn being honked. I thought, "I bet she is in their truck." Following my hunch, I went running to my wonderful neighbor's. By the garage stood my neighbor--my girl's like to call him grandpa. Grandpa greeted me and said that Sassy came over a few moments ago and knocked on the door. When he let her in, she went running asking for cookies. He gave her a cookie and then she demanded a tour of the basement. After the tour of the basement, she asked if she could see the garage. After they went into the garage, she decided that she needed "grandma". So, out of the reach of grandpa, she went running back into their house. As luck would have it, grandma was using the restroom. Sassy found her and began pounding on the door saying, "Grandma! Come outside! Come outside!" Finally, grandma came outside. Sassy instructed her to get into their vehicle which was where I found them.

Sassy was honking the horn and demonstrating her talent for road rage when I showed up. I turned to grandpa and said, "I was only gone for five minutes....this happened in five minutes?"

Grandpa said, "Yeah...she is a fast little devil!"

I apologized profusely and he said, "Don't worry about it...we enjoy having her over."

I told him repeatedly that he was too kind and at this time, grandma rolled down the window and said, "Sassy here is taking me to the zoo."

I responded with, "I think we are already there!"

Ever feel like you are living at the zoo? It is a daily occurence for me. :D

I liked these zoo signs....enjoy!

The "special" sink

Sassy is potty-trained! Hip Hip Hurray for no more poopy diapers! Hip Hip Hurray for no more expensive diapers!

I honestly believe the reason she finally decided she was ready, was because she found the fascinating world of "public restrooms." She has enjoyed each adventure while I squeal in the background of her happy haze, "Don't touch the floor with your fingers....don't touch that either. That is not a toy!" (Big C believes that she would still be in diapers if she had to venture into men's restrooms--he has a theory that that is why most little boys go in with their mothers....)

Well, we were at a unisex bathroom when she found a "special" sink. Unfortunately, I was busy at the time and was only able to yell instructions across the small room. "Don't touch that! It isn't a sink!"



She said, "It looks like a sink...see I can reach it!"

To this, I loudly yelled,(to everyone's delight within hearing) "That is a boy's toilet! Stay away! Stay away!"

Sassy, "Why do boy's have a special toilet?"

Me, "They just do! Now stay away from it!"

At this time, my business was concluded and we were able to wash our hands and leave. We walked out to a waiting woman, who had apparently heard everything, from the smirk on her face. I can honestly say it is never boring with Sassy around... :D

Have a similar experience? Please share!

Cleaning

Sassy and I cleaned her room together. For once, it was painless and enjoyable. When we were finished, I gave her a high-five and a hug. As we hugged I told her, "You are the best little helper! You are my helper from heaven!"

She hugged me back and said, "Yes...yes I are!"

I laughed and told her that Doughie was going to be pleased when she saw how clean their room now was. Sassy said, "Doughie is going to be SOOOOO happy!" Overall, the cleaning was a great experience.

Later, when Doughie got home from school I heard Sassy shouting at her, "Don't mess it up Doughie! DON'T DO IT! It was really HARD cleaning up YOUR mess! I HATED IT!"

Nice.....

It was this big! Swear!

I was standing at the counter taking my morning vitamins when my youngest came up and said, "Are you taking medicine?"

I said, "Nope...just vitamins. They make me healthy."

Sassy replied saying, "Yeah....when I take my medicine it makes me healthy too. It makes me REAL BIG! SEE!" At this, she gestured dramatically to her 30lb girth.

After a moment of thought, she changed her mind and said, "No...I am not big. I am small. Now you, Mommy, are real, real, real, REAL BIG!" She emphasized these last few words by throwing her arms out wide and yelling them. Honestly, I know she meant well, but I could have done without the last three "reals"!

On the positive side, at least she didn't drag me out to watch a Slimfast commercial on tv--telling me that this is the product "I need." Her "helpful" older sister has been told that this practice is a little rude and shouldn't be continued.
:D