Much Ado About Nothing

Ummmm.....Yeah...

2009-08-31T08:34:00.001-07:00

Sassy doesn't always say the "gr" noise in many words. Tony the Tiger has job security with my little one, if you know what I mean. So, with this deficiency in mind, you will understand why I found this morning's conversation "interesting" to say the least:

Sassy, "Momma! Papa's grass is ALL wet! SEE!?! He is not going to be happy.....NOPE!!"

Me, amused at what she said and also a little curious as to why it wasn't my grass too, said, "Yep, it rained last night!"

Sassy in a sad, melodramatic voice, "When will Papa's grass be dry? I want to play outside! I like it when it is dry, soft, and squishy!!" Suddenly, I was glad that it was only "Papa's grass"! :D

Do you have a child that has left out some crucial letters? Please share! It makes life interesting when your daughter is begging for a plastic bug prison in Target by saying, "I want the grasshopper house! I want the grasshopper house! Grasshoppers are so cute! Except when they spit brown stuff!"

Oh the joy!

Prejudice against Oil of Olay

2009-08-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

My girl's don't like my new facial mask.....go figure!

They scream and say things like: "Take it off" "You're scaring me!" "Turn the lights back on!"

Oh well, if they only knew how much it moisturizes.....oh, the injustice....:D

Fun...fun...fun.....

2009-08-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

This event occurred on a recent road trip:

Doughie from the backseat, "Momma! Momma! Sassy just grabbed my pop and shook it up!"

Me, "Sassy! That is rude! Shaking it up makes her pop taste bad! Please don't do that anymore!"

Doughie, trying to provide ample discipline fodder, continued by saying, "Yeah! Well, she picked up my pop with her toes and shook it with her foot!"

To this damning evidence, Sassy responded with, "It wasn't me! It was my straw! Bad Straw! Bad Straw! You say sorry to Doughie!" She then proceeded to spank her straw--finishing the beating by chewing on one end. After this dramatic discipline scene, the straw, in a high falsetto, gave Doughie a sad apology. The apology was heartfelt and sincere--beautiful really.

Not expecting anything like the melodrama we had just witnessed, Big C and I silently sniggered in the front of the car. (In our defense, this was the third day of traveling in the car with our two little angels. The third longest day........)

Ever laughed when you should be playing the parent?

Note to self: No more long road trips.....

She's going to lose it!

2009-08-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

After listening to my daughter, Sassy, use everything but her "indoor voice" for approximately 4 hours--the time it took to drive from one end of Yellowstone Park to the other--she finally got tired and stopped.

With the new found silence, Big C and I began chatting in relief. After only a couple of minutes, Sassy imperiously demanded from the backseat, "No Talking! Your voices hurt my ears!" (Quite frankly, I was surprised that she wasn't hoarse.)

When I heard her loud command, I began laughing crazily. After listening to my maniacal laughter for a couple of minutes, Big C stated nervously, "It wasn't that funny." To this, my laughter turned to hysterics.....I think my family was a little scared that I had lost it and was about to beat them soundly with my empty plastic Mt Dew bottle.

Note to self: Road trips with children are bad....very...very...bad! :D

Ever have a moment like this one? When you just have to laugh....

Doughie enjoying her video:

Me at a happier time....

I Triple Dog Dare You!

2009-08-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

We were enjoying Christmas in July with our own "Christmas Story" moment!

Stuck....stuck....STUCK!!!

I remember my first encounter like this one. I was dared to put my tongue on the monkey bars in subzero weather. I ripped off all the taste buds on the tip of my tongue....oh the memories!

My brother's touching display of compassion will make my mother so proud!

Ever have your own "Christmas Story" moment?

She's killing me!

2009-07-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy came running in to me and said, "Mommy! Mommy! Doughie is killing me! She is killing me!"

Me, "What now?"

Sassy, "She keeps changing the tv to Hannah Montana!"

I have to admit....I found this very amusing. I have to agree with Sassy, Doughie has been "killing me" with her tv selection for quite some time now.

Do you like the shows your children love to watch? Please share!

Perfect Little Mommy

2009-07-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Isn't it adorable? She is practicing!

We were impressed to find that she had packed 10 babies in that shopping cart! Also, we later found out that she had babies in the backpack too! To be honest, I am a little scared for her future children.... :D

I smell a rat.....

2009-07-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Big C went to get some fruit for his lunch.....

After inspecting the apples, he found this:

I smell a rat!

Our "little mousie" is extra special...it's teeth grow above and below it's nose!

On occasions like this one, she likes to remind us that she is a "princess from heaven." Heaven help us! :D

Ever have a similar experience?

One of two things.....

2009-07-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

On one of the hottest days of the year, Sassy is wearing this:

It is one of two things:

*Our AC is turned too high and she needs the cap for warmth. (Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me. Big C likes the house to feel like the Arctic.)

OR

*Our AC isn't high enough and my poor little dear has fried her brains....which would explain her obsession with the freaky, squishy sea horse she is holding.

How are you coping with the heat? Is your house hot and sweaty or cold and icy like mine?

The perspective of a child

2009-07-21T11:37:00.000-07:00

The other day, Sassy came up to me and said, "I want a new baby!" (Baby doll....not a real one thank goodness!)

She continued with her demands by adding with much enthusiasm, "I want a baby jail bed too! It will be perpect!(perfect)"

Never thought about it, but she does have a point.... :D

This "baby jail bed" is gorgeous....too pretty for sleeping!

Disney movies as interpruted by my 4-year-old

2009-07-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Finding Nemo: "A Fish goes in the toilet!"

Cars: "Driving! Lots of driving!"

Winnie the Pooh: "I hate Pee-Poo!"

The Little Mermaid: "A scary shark tries to eat her!"

Cinderella: "I love Rella. There's lots of lub (love) and rats!"

Up: "A dog talks! There are lots of balloons! It is awesome!"

The Fox and the Hound: "Everyone is trying to kill the fox! They are ebil (evil) and should be killed! (Much to my disgust, they have been watching this "gem" repeatedly lately. "The Fox and the Hound" and "Pocahontas" are two movies I wished I never purchased--ironically, they are favorites.)

How do your kids interpret Disney movies? You might be surprised by their answers. Ever have a movie that you were sorry that you purchased?

The third and fourth walls.....

2009-07-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

Recently, I posted pics of my clean craft room. However, I only pictured two walls in my craft room. After a little teasing by a good friend, I have finally decided to show the other two walls in my craft room.......

Third wall....yup, I bet you didn't know I liked cats.....

Fourth wall...At least the other side of my craft room was clean. Anyone want to help me clean this side? I will make sure the fridge in the corner has beverages! :D

Honestly, it makes me sad that anyone could live this way. In the next couple of days, I will post the real pics....after I clean of course! :D

Going to the movies

2009-07-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

With everyone picking their seats....you would think we were going to the movies....

In my brother's defense, he was making fun of Doughie....at least, that is what he said.......:D

I have been asked, "Why are you always taking pics of people walking away? You are just begging for picking...." Sadly, I take pics like this because I am trying to get one of those touching moments....you know the ones, where people are walking away, holding hands and it is adorable. Instead, I get actual "touching moments." Sometimes you can't win! What do you think?

Even Steven

2009-07-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

It is just my humble opinion, but I believe the next time I find something cute for the house......Big C can't complain. What do you think? :D

And for those of you who are trying to figure out what this is a picture of.....it is the remnants of Big C's fourth of July fun. Oh yeah....even steven. Don't my flowers look pretty?

Heck has frozen over.....

2009-07-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

My craft room is finally clean! I quickly took some pictures so I could remember this day! Also, so I had proof that it could be done.

Now I don't want to craft....don't want to mess it all up again! :D

Batman's Day Job.....

2009-07-01T10:06:00.001-07:00

Yup...that is the Caped Crusader hanging precariously in my shower. He is fantastic at scrubbing those hard to reach spots and cleaning scum on the bottom of the shower.

This is the terry cloth bandit...Batman's nemesis:

Actually, I didn't realize I had a shower partner until I was shampooing my hair. In my blind haze, I noticed a huge black thing hanging from my shower door. I instantly had heart failure and seized away from the menacing black blob. I frantically jerked out of the shower, dripping wet, to find later that it was only the Dark Knight hanging there.

I think I am going to make a rule on what toys are allowed to hang in my shower. What would you do? This pic is Sassy recreating my horror.... :D

Wishes

2009-06-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

They look so pretty like this....don't you think? Especially if it is out in the forest somewhere and not in your yard.

Unfortunately, they turn into this.....

Sassy calls them wishes and blows them all over the yard. I call them something that can't be repeated.

Sometimes, I wish I had the perspective of a child, where everything, even a weed, is beautiful. :D

Modified Expectations

2009-06-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

I asked Sassy to put her stuffed animals away expecting this result:

I got this:

Funny thing....I was still amazed and surprised. I should know better by now....right?!

I am learning that if I want a certain result, I have to be very....VERY specific. Have you found the same thing?

Nevermind, You can do it.....

2009-06-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

I would like to know how other mothers do the following: public restrooms with children. Currently, I force my 4-year-old into the cubicle with me because I have learned that if I don't, she will peek under all the other stalls while I am conducting my business. Recently, she crawled under the stall to visit with the poor, unsuspecting, and, I might add, vulnerable person. Thankfully, it was my sister.

Well, the other day, we were at the craft store restroom and I forced her to go into the handicap stall with me. We use this stall because it is nice and roomy. Well, to occupy herself, she started creating a softball-sized ball of TP. She turned to me and said as she patted my knee, "Don't worry Mommy, I will wipe you!" This comment I found especially ironic since she hasn't found the time or effort to learn how to wipe herself. Thankfully, when it was time for the paperwork, she chickened out and said, "Mommy, you a big woman. You know how to do it yourself...right?" AS IF! I learned how to do that a couple of years ago! Thank you very much! :D

I only have one little rascal to wrestle with in the public restroom, thankfully, Sassy's older sister has finally learned how to control herself in public. How do people do it with more than one? Please share!

She's a cutie...but I still wouldn't want to see her peeking at me under a stall door!

Poor...poor Ken

2009-06-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

My brother said, "That Barbie looks like a guy..."

Me, "That's because it is."

Later....

My husband said, "Wow....Barbies get uglier and uglier."

Me, "It's a guy."

Big C, "Oh...your right. Who did that?" (Like there was any question. I had to stop myself from snidely saying "Me! That is what I do while you are at work!")

Who knew that such a sweet little baby, would be so twisted?

When I asked her why she put Ken or ,excuse me, "Prince Andre" in a dress, she said, "Because it is funny!"

I guess it could be worse. He could be nude, and possibly limbless with all the other female Barbies scattered around our house. Why does that ultimately become a Barbie's fate? Nude....limbless.....abandoned? I can't tell you how many boxes of naked Barbies I have seen at garage sales. There is an army of nude dolls out there...it is sad, but true! Maybe their clothes go to the same place lost socks go to......it is a mystery.

Have your Barbies met the same fate? Please share.

Laughing at someone else's pain...an American pastime

2009-06-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Doughie, very seriously, came up to me one evening and said, "When you get older, there are less things to talk about--I have noticed that." She looked around sagely and spotted her younger sister playing and continued by saying, "Sassy is so young. She laughs at everything....even when people are getting hurt."

I choked on my food and tried to fathom her thought process. I said to her, "Yes....Sassy is young. But your papa was laughing at people getting hurt tonight too." I am ashamed to admit we were watching America's home videos and enjoying it too much.

She replied by saying, "Yeah....well...that is papa...and he is a boy." Like that should explain everything. And sadly, in my mind, it did. :D

Do you ever watch America's funniest home videos and have a guilty night of mindless enjoyment?

Bake....Shmake.....

2009-06-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Isn't it precious? I got this fantastic cake plate and now I am pretending that I like to bake. I will be removing these babies when they are green and furry! But, for right now, I look like a regular Martha Stewart! Oh the thrill!

At church, the kids were asked what there mother's like to do. One girl raised her hand and said, "My mom likes to cook until she bakes!" I can't imagine how long that it would take....it makes me shudder to even consider it! :D

Do you like to cook or bake? Please share....I promise I won't mock! :D

Whistle while you work

2009-06-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

My brother and daughters were waiting for me in the car. When I got back in the car my brother said, "While you were gone, I was whistling."

Me, "Yeah?"

And he said, "Sassy told me that Jesus doesn't like it when I do that."

I have to admit, depending on the whistling, I have to agree with Jesus..... :D

I asked him how he responded and he said he laughed. In his defense, it would be hard to make a snappy comeback.

I am praying that heaven has a sense of humor--it will be my family's saving grace.

Lately, Sassy has become the expert on Jesus. She is constantly telling us our behavior would not find His favor. Do your kids ever say stuff like this? Please tell me that mine are not the only ones! Misery loves company you know!

Training at my house! All invited!

2009-06-20T10:43:00.001-07:00

I am going to be giving my family some much needed training. If you too, need this training, please contact me. It really isn't hard....I promise!

I am hoping they will remember their training this time--cross your fingers for me!

The Tooth Witch

2009-06-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Doughie and I were reading our nightly story. This particular story happened to be about a little girl who had lost her front tooth. Doughie had just had four teeth pulled at the dentist (at 60 bucks a pop! If I wasn't so grossed out by blood, I would have used our pliers.) Needless to say, she was very interested in this story.

In the story, the little girl told her mother that she "knew the truth" and that there was no such thing as the tooth fairy. She told her mother that the tooth fairy made "no sense" because why would anyone pay "good money" for stuff that they weren't going to use. She told her mother that a "tooth witch" took your teeth and ate them like apples. She also told her mother that one kid at school had tried to tell her that there was no tooth witch or tooth fairy--that it was your parents!!

After I had read this part of the story, Doughie stopped me and said in a sactimonious voice, "That doesn't make any sense either! Because EVERYONE knows that parents only give money on your birthday! The tooth fairy is what makes sense! A tooth witch is just gross!"

I nodded, as if engrossed in her comments, and finished the story.

What makes the most sense to me is this: I don't know what alternate reality my little girl has been living in....but I can safely say that we don't give money on birthdays either! AS IF! I save that money for MY birthday....and paying the dentist $60 a tooth! :D

After she lost four teeth, Big C and I reevaluated the amount we give for each tooth. How much does your tooth witch leave?

Poor kid--she only has her two front teeth to chew with!

Who does Number 2 work for?!

2009-06-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

We were coming back from a long trip. My daughters were in the backseat discussing there immediate plans once we reached home:

Doughie, "I am going to go #2 FIRST THING!"

Sassy said, "Yeah? Well I am going to go #6!"

I didn't ask.....I was afraid actually.

Challenge: Name the movie I was quoting in my title.... :D

Venting about the Craft Lite Cutter

2009-06-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen this commercial? They show someone spastically cutting through the face of their spouse because using scissors is SO difficult!

Ironically, you can find anything on youtube, if you haven't seen the commmerical take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJsezVu0Buk. You only have to watch 10 seconds to see what I mean.

So, to prevent yourself from destroying all your pictures with scissors, you need to buy this cutter with a light. Honestly, the cutter looks great...but I find it really insulting that they think we all use scissors like a three-year-old. In fact, every time I see this commerical, I have to fight the urge not to talk back to the tv, "Do you think I am going to stroke while using the scissors? COME ON! Who cuts like that? Seriously!?!" I know...very trivial but for some reason, this commercial annoys me to the core.

Do you have any commercials that just drive you crazy? Please share!

Prayers

2009-06-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things....when Sassy is sleeping! :D

My little girls pray every night, and honestly, it is very similar night after night. To help their prayers have more meaning and less memorization, we have been encouraging them to share their daily experiences.

Well, the other night, Sassy changed up her nightly prayer with the following line, "And, today, I killed all the dinosaurs to make all the people safe in the town. Your welcome. Amen."

Well, I guess she is trying....wasn't quite what I was shooting for though! Call me crazy, but I don't think dinosaur genocide should be shared in a prayer. My "amen" was more of a snort. We will keep trying.

Have your kids ever said something odd in their nightly prayers?

Side note: I don't advice googling "prayer cartoons" unless you enjoy a good sacrilegious joke--the ones I found were horrible!

Reading.....a good skill to have!

2009-06-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I got an invitation to join a mail-order book club. If I accepted the invite, I was to affix the sticker to my form that said, "Yes, I love to read!" However, if I declined, I was to affix the subtle and kindly phrased sticker, "Reading hurts my brain!" I have laughed about this sticker for years, but sadly, maybe I should have joined the reading club because I have found that I am a lazy reader when it comes to long blog posts.

The lazy blog reading came to an all-time low a couple months ago. A friend, in an update posted the following:
*News about their recent vacation (including pictures)
*The death of their grandpa
AND
*Their near-death experience with an infection that went horribly awry.

The post was incredibly long and being in a hurry, I scanned the first part, enjoyed the pictures and then stupidly left the following comment, "Sounds like you have had a great time! I hope I can do the same some day!"

Later, from another friend, I found that my comment was not so appropriate. Horrified, I made a hasty phone call to remedy the situation. Thankfully, my friend has a great sense of humor.

Has this ever happened to you? How long is too long for a blog post? When do you stop reading? Have you ever left a comment that was completely inappropriate?

Pic of me reading...it was an excellent book too!

Laziness taken to a new level!

2009-06-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Admittedly, I can be very lazy. However, the day when I need this item....please...oh, please hold an intervention for me!

What is it? It is the Touch and Brush! It is the item that is going to revolutionize your toothbrushing experience. No longer will you have to use your hand to squeeze out toothpaste! Oh...no....you can have it dispensed for you for only $20 and the cost of a couple of batteries (not included)! What a deal!

Ironically, my daughters think this particular product looks "Cool!" They were also thrilled that it would dollop the exact amount of toothpaste every time. No more mouthfuls of toothpaste! Revolutionary! My luck....we would have toothpaste blobbed down the mirror or scraped on the side of the beautiful plastic container. Or we wouldn't be able to figure out how to put the blasted toothpaste in and make a minty mess that way.

Sadly, we will be sticking to the old-fashioned squeeze-with-your-hand method! I know--BORING!

What do you think?

Why?!?

2009-06-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin?
* I don't think that is a backpack....no, I am sure it isn't.
* I don't think it was meant to be a purse.
* I hope, for Panda's sake, that everything is clean.
* Why? She has 20 purses in her room.
* What is she going to do with the jump rope?
* Is it only my kids that do things like this?

Oh the joy! You gotta love it!

Yup...another one about nose fodder!

2009-06-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

It went something like this:

Me in exasperation, "Sassy! Quit picking your nose!"

"But MOM! I am hungry!"

Me, grossed out, "You just ate dinner!"

"Yeah? Well, this will be dessert!"

Anyone hungry for a little tapioca pudding? Rice pudding perhaps?

I have to laugh...or I would cry...or worse, start screaming psychotically.

Summer Bedding--Oooo La La!

2009-06-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I love to change out my bedding at least six times a year! I figure, I spend a third of my life in bed....okay, who am I kidding....half of my life in bed, that my room and bedding should be pretty. This is one of my Summer looks--it makes me happy!

My walls are relatively neutral so I can have many different looks...fun...fun..fun...for the sick decorating mind!

Raindrops are falling on my head.....

2009-06-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

We were riding in the car and it was raining outside. Sassy asked, "Does Jesus give us the rain?"

Big C responded, "Yep! He sure does!"

Sassy, "Why?"

"Because we live in a desert and we need water to live."

Sassy, "Oh."

The next day, I was traveling in the car with Sassy and she said, "Jesus is giving us water again!"

I said, "Yep! You are right!"

She continued with, "Jesus gives us lots of things........"

"Yes he does....boy, you are a smart girl!"

And then she said, "Jesus....I want a bike!" I guess it doesn't hurt to ask.... :D

Diet Coke Anyone?

2009-06-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

The other morning, I was in the drive-thru at McD's ordering a "healthy" breakfast for my family.
My order was this:
2 Egg McMuffins
4 Hashbrowns
1 Extra Large Coke

After I gave my order, the intercom guy said, "Diet Coke? Did you say diet Coke?"

"No. REGULAR Coke." I said this very slowly, so there wouldn't be any mistake.

Well, I drove to the window to get my food and the food guy handed me my order. As he was handing me my super-sized beverage he said, "And here is your diet Coke!"

I said slowly, "Noooooooooo! I ordered just a C-O-K-E!" I emphasized the "K" sound for dramatic effect.

Food guy apologized and got me the correct beverage.

It wasn't until I was driving away that I began to suspect that they were hinting that I needed a diet Coke. As I sat, alone, in my car, with my big bag of greasy food, I began to suspect that intercom guy and food guy thought the entire order was mine alone. That I was going to shamefully park behind a building and shove egg McMuffins into my eager pie-hole, washing it all down with my sugar-filled beverage. I got a tear in my eye....and thought "How sweet and thoughtful." I didn't realize that McDonald's employed such compassionate workers! However, If I am going to binge-eat, it isn't going to be on McDonald's food. No way! I am more classy than that! It would probably be Wendy's! :P

Big C is the Diet Pepsi drinker....I drink everything with full sugar. Diet anything wreaks havoc on my poor tummy. However, almost every time we go out to eat, the server tries to give me the diet Pepsi. Are they hinting? Are they being sexist? What do you think? Has this ever happened to you?

If you give a mouse a cookie.......

2009-06-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

It was a Saturday afternoon and my girls were playing outside. My husband was mowing the lawn...kind of watching them, but, honestly, I would get better baby-sitting if I asked the neighbor's dog. With this in mind, I would periodically look out on my girls to make sure they were still ok.

During one of my checks, I looked out to find I couldn't see Sassy. I went running outside to find my little escapee. I first asked Big C who didn't know, "I think she is out front..." Really helpful. I went running and yelling when I heard the neighbors horn being honked. I thought, "I bet she is in their truck." Following my hunch, I went running to my wonderful neighbor's. By the garage stood my neighbor--my girl's like to call him grandpa. Grandpa greeted me and said that Sassy came over a few moments ago and knocked on the door. When he let her in, she went running asking for cookies. He gave her a cookie and then she demanded a tour of the basement. After the tour of the basement, she asked if she could see the garage. After they went into the garage, she decided that she needed "grandma". So, out of the reach of grandpa, she went running back into their house. As luck would have it, grandma was using the restroom. Sassy found her and began pounding on the door saying, "Grandma! Come outside! Come outside!" Finally, grandma came outside. Sassy instructed her to get into their vehicle which was where I found them.

Sassy was honking the horn and demonstrating her talent for road rage when I showed up. I turned to grandpa and said, "I was only gone for five minutes....this happened in five minutes?"

Grandpa said, "Yeah...she is a fast little devil!"

I apologized profusely and he said, "Don't worry about it...we enjoy having her over."

I told him repeatedly that he was too kind and at this time, grandma rolled down the window and said, "Sassy here is taking me to the zoo."

I responded with, "I think we are already there!"

Ever feel like you are living at the zoo? It is a daily occurence for me. :D

I liked these zoo signs....enjoy!

The "special" sink

2009-06-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy is potty-trained! Hip Hip Hurray for no more poopy diapers! Hip Hip Hurray for no more expensive diapers!

I honestly believe the reason she finally decided she was ready, was because she found the fascinating world of "public restrooms." She has enjoyed each adventure while I squeal in the background of her happy haze, "Don't touch the floor with your fingers....don't touch that either. That is not a toy!" (Big C believes that she would still be in diapers if she had to venture into men's restrooms--he has a theory that that is why most little boys go in with their mothers....)

Well, we were at a unisex bathroom when she found a "special" sink. Unfortunately, I was busy at the time and was only able to yell instructions across the small room. "Don't touch that! It isn't a sink!"

She said, "It looks like a sink...see I can reach it!"

To this, I loudly yelled,(to everyone's delight within hearing) "That is a boy's toilet! Stay away! Stay away!"

Sassy, "Why do boy's have a special toilet?"

Me, "They just do! Now stay away from it!"

At this time, my business was concluded and we were able to wash our hands and leave. We walked out to a waiting woman, who had apparently heard everything, from the smirk on her face. I can honestly say it is never boring with Sassy around... :D

Have a similar experience? Please share!

Cleaning

2009-06-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy and I cleaned her room together. For once, it was painless and enjoyable. When we were finished, I gave her a high-five and a hug. As we hugged I told her, "You are the best little helper! You are my helper from heaven!"

She hugged me back and said, "Yes...yes I are!"

I laughed and told her that Doughie was going to be pleased when she saw how clean their room now was. Sassy said, "Doughie is going to be SOOOOO happy!" Overall, the cleaning was a great experience.

Later, when Doughie got home from school I heard Sassy shouting at her, "Don't mess it up Doughie! DON'T DO IT! It was really HARD cleaning up YOUR mess! I HATED IT!"

Nice.....

It was this big! Swear!

2009-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was standing at the counter taking my morning vitamins when my youngest came up and said, "Are you taking medicine?"

I said, "Nope...just vitamins. They make me healthy."

Sassy replied saying, "Yeah....when I take my medicine it makes me healthy too. It makes me REAL BIG! SEE!" At this, she gestured dramatically to her 30lb girth.

After a moment of thought, she changed her mind and said, "No...I am not big. I am small. Now you, Mommy, are real, real, real, REAL BIG!" She emphasized these last few words by throwing her arms out wide and yelling them. Honestly, I know she meant well, but I could have done without the last three "reals"!

On the positive side, at least she didn't drag me out to watch a Slimfast commercial on tv--telling me that this is the product "I need." Her "helpful" older sister has been told that this practice is a little rude and shouldn't be continued.
:D

Tissue anyone?

2009-05-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

We were traveling in the car when my oldest asked for a tissue. I retrieved my travel pack of tissues from the console and gave her a couple. I knew if I didn't ask my youngest, she would inevitably ask once the tissues were put away. So I asked, "Sassy, do you need a tissue too?"

To which she replied, "Nope! Thanks anyway...I have eaten ALL my boogers."

Isn't it sweet that she said "thanks anyway"....I was so proud.

Why do you need a horse when you have a cheetah?

2009-05-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Doughie is dying to have me type a post about her new cheetah ($2.49 at Walgreens on clearance--I just love a good deal!)

Here is the post....Doughie got a new cheetah and she rides it like a horse. She wants me to say that "even though horses are fast....cheetahs are faster. That makes cheetahs better to ride!" However, to me, both are stuffed animals and can only move as fast as Doughie....and I am still faster. So, really, this post should be, "It doesn't matter what I ride. My psycho mom still chases me down and tickles me." But what do I know? I am just the psycho mom.

Ironically, the cheetah was deemed to have "freaky eyes" and is not allowed in the bedroom at night time.

Your turn! Do your kids have toys they ride? OR toys that aren't allowed in the bedroom at night?

Side note: I think the cheetah chewed off Sassy's clothes...pesky thing! I am going to use that as my new excuse as to why Sassy is disrobed in so many pics...."It was the cheetah (sigh) AGAIN!" :D

Proud Parenting Moment #1,206

2009-05-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was at the playland at McDonalds when the lady at the adjacent table turned to me and said, "Your daughter is really cute!"

I said, "Thanks. I think so too."
The lady with an amused look said, "She told me my daughter was cute, but stinky."

Nice......

So, in the car, I asked Sassy about her conversation. I said, "Sassy, did you talk to the lady with the baby?"

Sassy, "Yes."

Me, "What did you say?"

Sassy, "I told her her baby was Soooooo Cute! And that it was stinky and her needed to take a tub cuz her smelled bad!"

That's my girl....shy to the core! :D

Your kid ever say anything you wish you could take back? Please share!

Would you like to super-size that?

2009-05-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

My girls were playing outside when Sassy came up and started pounding on the slider door. I opened it up and asked, "What do you need."

She said, "Well....I would like a Dr. Pepper and something to eat."

I said, "Sassy, this isn't a drive-thru."

She replied with, "What else do you have to do in there?" I was surprised she didn't end her sentence with, "besides serve me...."

Nice....

"The slide is Missing!"

2009-05-25T06:00:00.001-07:00

We went to the dentist today. As a kid, I hated going to the dentist; ironically, my kids love it. Their dentist has a slide, a train that choo choo's around the ceiling, a play area, a game station, books and more. My dentist had old magazines...it just doesn't seem fair.

Well, when we got there, something was missing--the slide. In a large train facade playhouse, they usually climb, play, AND slide. The slide is now another section of the playhouse. I asked the receptionist what happened. She explained that too many parents complained about the noise and that it was deemed the slide's fault and it was removed.

I explained to Sassy that the slide was gone and that she needed to enjoy what was left. I guess she interpreted "enjoy what was left" by going around telling everyone loudly that the slide was missing.

Sassy, "HEY! HEY Guy! The slide is missing! SEE!"
Sassy, "HEY! HEY lady! The slide is missing! Sad huh?"

When she had finished her cycle of the room, she began again--to my utter delight. Finally, I dragged her away from the amused and patient people and distracted her with a book. Thankfully, once the book had been read and dissected, Doughie was finished--NO Cavities! HURRAY!

Well, it began again.
Sassy, "Doughie--LOOK! The slide is missing! It has disappeared!"
Doughie, "No! They just boarded over it--see!"
Sassy conspiratorily, "NO! IT HAS DISAPPEARED!"
Doughie, "NO! YOU CAN SEE WHERE IT USED TO BE!"

At this time, I had to go and make the 6 month appointment. At the desk, I could still hear my children arguing which quickly became yelling and laughing? The receptionist said innocently, "It sounds like the slide is back." And I smiled back knowing darn well that she knew it was my kids making the commotion and said, "Yeah...some people's kids!"

see more pwn and owned pictures
Love this pic....I wonder who thought this would be a good idea.

Do your kid's have a cool dentist? I made sure to get a cool dentist for myself. My dentist has TV's mounted on the ceiling and I get the remote all to myself! It almost makes dental work enjoyable....okay, I took that too far. It makes my visits slightly more tolerable. What about you...do you enjoy going to the dentist?

Ever feel this way?

2009-05-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

This feels like my life somedays....how about yours?

Oh! The Carnage! When will it stop?

2009-05-21T09:40:00.001-07:00

In memoriam....

We have killed 6 or 7 of these:

We have killed more than I can remember of these....we always seem to win them at carnivals.

We have killed two of these cute little guys. However, they weren't so cute when they died....it had to be one of the grossest things I have ever seen. Big C had the pleasure of performing the funeral and tank cleaning.

Sadly, the list doesn't stop there.....We have killed at least a hundred of these little guys. It is terrible, they are always tortured before their inevitable death.

Deciding that live pets are not our forte, I purchased this:

What is it? It is a hermit crab that grows 6 times it's size in water. Tragically, on the fourth day, it exploded into an unrecognizable mass of goo....almost as gross as the frogs. I remember Doughie yelling to me, "Mom! MOM! We killed the perfect pet! We killed the perfect pet! How can that be?" I really believe it was a sign from up above....

Undeterred, we are trying to kill these:

Honestly, I will be happy when these stinky suckers kick it. Not quite the decor I like in my kitchen.

With all due respect, do you have any pets to add to this list?

Oh the Carnage!

2009-05-21T06:00:00.001-07:00

Absolutes

2009-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

These are few things that I can rely on:

1. If I start making my bed, my daughter is going to come running from wherever she has been hiding and start jumping on it...always out of reach.

2. If I am making an important phone call, someone is going to start fighting or crying....loudly.

3. If we are in a hurry, a shoe is going to be lost.

4. If there is a filthy word on my movie or tv show, my daughters will walk in at that moment.

5. If Big C is feeling amorous, my children are feeling clingy. They can even be at the neighbors and some sort of radar ticks on. I just know they are thinking, "Something is not quite right....I need to go home! NOW! I need to find Mommy and Papa and stop whatever they are doing! NOW!" They will then come running into the house, breathless and searching.....it is very annoying to say the least. Instead of radar, we call it sexdar. I know....TMI!

6. If I run into an old friend or distant family member, I have one of three things:
* Something dark and nasty caught in my front teeth.
* Lipstick smeared all over my teeth.
* A boogie swinging out of my nose to say "hello".

Just a few joys in my life. Do you have any that you would like to add to the list?

Decorating: One of my many illnesses

2009-05-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of my passion's is decorating. Passion is a kind way of saying I am obsessive/compulsive about everything decorating. I watch shows, I read magazines, I read blogs, all about decorating. I never seem to get bored with it either. My latest project is finally complete! It is a window seat in my kitchen! This project has been an albatross around my neck and I am thrilled/relieved that it is complete!

I love to decorate and cut corners. The rectangular pillows are actually $2 (on sale) placemats that I stuffed. The long pillow is a valance ($5 on clearance) that I stuffed.

The wainscoting is actually textured wallpaper. You can get it here. It is less expensive than wainscoting. You don't need power tools to apply it. It is paintable and only took me two hours to apply. To finish it off, I added a chair rail. You honestly can't tell that it isn't the real thing unless you touch it.

My daughters love the window seat and have spent hours playing there. Ironically, I still prefer using the kitchen counter.

Do you have any projects that you are currently working on? Please share!

The Window Washer

2009-05-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

Every year, I pay a guy to wash all my windows. I hate washing windows and he does a great job....so, it is well worth the $30 I give him. Well, this year, his window washing was a great treat for Sassy. As he cleaned each window, she ran to it, and stared at him while he cleaned. She would even kindly point out spots that he had missed....creating spots on the inside for me to clean.

When she bored with this activity, she pulled me by the hand to the front window and showed me the "guy's" tools that he had left on the lawn.

She whispered, "Look Mom....he left them. They are ours forever."

Always a party-pooper I said, "No, he will be back to get them."

Sassy replied, "Let's go out and take them! Then we can make a lot of money!" She looked at me with a hopeful gleam in her eye.

I told her, "No...that would be stealing. And, I would rather eat rocks than clean other people's windows."

She said, "Rocks? You eat rocks? Are they tasty?"

Ahhhh....the mind of a four-year-old. We talked about rocks the rest of the day.
Side Note: Now that my windows are clean on the outside, I can see just how filthy they are on the inside....anyone want to perform a little Service? I am providing the opportunity...rather generous don't you think?

Is it just me or does the Spiderman on the right have love handles?

I'm seeing cross-eyed

2009-05-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

My daughters, especially my youngest, love to cross their eyes. Sassy has found that it gets her instant attention. Honestly, I prefer eye-crossing over her other crowd pleaser "the pick and eat".

Anyway, I was out shopping with Sassy and she started crossing her eyes at this guy on the frozen food aisle. He turned to me and said, "I think there is something wrong with your daughter's eyes."

Alarmed, I turned to look at Sassy and saw her display. In a fake, happy voice I said to the concerned stranger, "Oh, she just likes to do that to get attention! It always seems to work too!" I puncuated my comment with a forced fake laugh. I am all charm I tell you....

He said, "Well it got my attention! Did you teach her that?" His tone and demeaner made it sound like I had taught my daughter this "trick" to pick up men on the frozen food aisle.

I looked at him, fake smile in place, fake voice ready and said, "NOPE! She learned it from her father!" Which is a lie...sad to say....Big C couldn't cross his eyes to save his life. However, it was effective in getting rid of the weirdo who thought I was pathetic enough to use my daughter to pick up men....AS IF! I can cross my own eyes THANK YOU! I don't need her for that! :D

Side note: I ran into the guy at least five more times in the store....awkward! Did I smile and pretend we were friendly? Pretend he wasn't there? Or turn the other way? Pathetically, I used all three methods that day. What would you have done?

Primary--You Gotta Love It!

2009-05-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

It was my turn to teach on Sunday. I was teaching the 4-year-olds that their hands are a blessing. To start the lesson, I put my hands behind my back and said, "What am I hiding behind me back?" The correct answer, of course, was "my hands", which, ironically, was what my co-teacher teasingly guessed--not knowing she was correct. From the kids, I got answers like, "monsters" and "treats". I continued to give clues and ask "What am I hiding?" When one of the boys raised his hand and said, "I know! Your Butt!"

Shocked, I laughed and said, "Well, you are right, my butt is back there, but that isn't what I am looking for--keep guessing." Side note: What an odd lesson it would have been if that had been the correct answer--Oh my!

Inside, what I really wanted to say was this, "Well, you are right, my butt is back there, but hiding? NO! There is no hiding that monster! Thanks for pointing that out!!" And then, I would break down and start sobbing in front of the terrified group of children. Now that would have been a lesson they would never forget! I probably would have been released too...what do you think? Oh...so tempting! :D

Just a little "bum humor"!

Magic!

2009-05-13T06:00:00.000-07:00

Note: Please meet my favorite magician: GOB BLUTH!

Sassy and Doughie were sitting at the counter eating burgers. Doughie had only one bite left of her double-patty of goodness when Sassy used the old, tried-but-true distraction method of saying, "What is that?" and pointed out the window.

Doughie looked and as she was turned away, Sassy took the last piece of burger and put it in her mouth. When Doughie turned around, Sassy said loudly, "TA DA!"

Not impressed by her trick, Doughie yelled, "MOM! Sassy ate the last of my burger!"

I asked, "Sassy, did you?"

And Sassy said breathlessly, "It was magic!"

I hate to admit, but I laughed as Doughie gave a look that clearly said, "Magic my you-know-what!"

So, to bring peace back to my kitchen counter, I told Doughie to take a bite of Sassy's burger, which, strangely, was whole. Doughie went to take a bite and yelled, "She has eaten the patty!" To which Sassy said, "TA DA!"

Sadly, instead of having a conversation with Sassy that her type of magic might be better defined as stealing, I went running down the hall, giggling, to tell Big C.

Ever have a moment like this? Please share....

When I went looking for magic pics this treat came up.....YUCKY.....thought I would share! Now your day is complete! :D

The Flower Thief

2009-05-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy loves flowers. Sadly for my neighbors, she is always picking their most beautiful flowers. (Sorry neighbors! I really am!)

Well, the other day, she picked a beautiful daffodil. She was so proud and wanted a picture taken. After promising me that she wouldn't pick another flower from our neighbors yard (I know....I know....fat chance but one can hope!) I took this picture:

After taking the pic, I watched Sassy stroke the petals of the poor molested flower and say, "I will be the best mommy! I will take care of you forever...."

Sadly, Sassy found the water in the vase to be too tempting. The next day, I found the flower dead in the waterless vase. I asked Sassy, "What happened to all the water?"

She said, "I drank it! It was tasty!"

Me, "Uhh....flowers need water to live. I am afraid your flower is dead."

Sassy, "I was just sharing with it..."

"Sharing to Death" sounds like an after-school special. Nice.....

Sibling Rivalry

2009-05-11T06:00:00.001-07:00

For Mother's Day, my brother put this on Youtube for our mummy:

Yes, a very talented man. Did I mention, he drew that on his Nintendo DS and composed the music, all while driving to Taco Bell for a Gordito! The man is impressive!

I did a couple things for our mummy, too. At first, I was too humble to share, but after much coaxing here are my gifts.

First, in my spare time, I painted her this cute little picture--it is nothing really...

I then thought that her garden might benefit from a sculpture and made this the other day after lunch:

For my more sensitive readers, I added a purple bikini top. As you can see, I have exquisite editing skills! :D

Believing my mother's sculpture needed a friend, I crafted this little guy:

It didn't take long...just a couple of evenings while I was helping my daughter with her homework. Please note the matching purple shorts--nothing is too good for my mummy!

Sadly, I didn't have time for anything else...maybe next year!

Did you do anything cool for your mother this mother's day? Or did you receive something or do something fabulous? Please Share! Please no over-the-top bragging, it is rude and unattractive! :D

Happy Mother's Day to ME!!!

2009-05-10T09:39:00.001-07:00

I wish all you other mother's a wonderful day! You deserve it! I know I do... :D

Dirty Feet!

2009-05-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have a theory, I believe that the greeters at Wal-Mart send the following subliminal messages:

For children (at least my child): Be naughty! You are the devil and this is your playground!

For adults: Next time, wear pajama bottoms.

Anyway, we were at Wal-Mart and my 4-year-old had taken the greeter's subliminal message literally. She was everywhere.....much to our delight....and ironically, she was in her pajamas.

Well, Big C and I ran into some friends and began chatting. At this time, Sassy began running wild circles around our legs--around and around she went. After a while, she realized that she was getting the feet on her pajamas dirty.

She said, "OH NO! Look at my feet! Their gusting! What am I going to do?"

Me smugly, "Well, I guess you need to ride in the cart now."

Sassy, looking horror-struck that she might have to get back into the dreaded cart, said, "Wait! I know!" She then proceeded to lay on her stomach, feet in the air, and started commando crawling across the floor.

Me, "Sassy, get up....get up...you are getting even more dirty!"

A lady happened to be walking by at this time and said, "Well, at least it isn't her feet anymore!" Of course, all our "good moments" are witnessed by at least one smirking stranger.

After pulling Sassy to her feet, she was unhappy to see that Ariel, on the front of her PJ's, had a dirt black-eye. She is learning that sometimes you just can't win.....

Pirate Talk....

2009-05-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy got a pirate set for Easter. She was sitting at the counter playing so cutely, I just had to pause and listen. Honestly, I was curious to hear what her pirates would be discussing. This is what I heard:

1st pirate, "I have blue pants on!"

2nd pirate, "I have black pants on!"

1st pirate, "Awesome!"

Wow....what a fearsome group of pirates! I wonder what they will talk about next? The color of their fearsome neckerchiefs? Or maybe what they will be eating at snack time? The possibilities are terrifying and endless......

If my Sassy had written Pirates of the Carribean, it would have gone something like this:

Random pirate, "Jack! What are we going to do about the Black Pearl?"

Jack Sparrow, "Not now.....I still need to eat me snack pack!"

Random pirate, who will inevitably die first, in a whiny voice, "But Jack!"

Jack Sparrow, "Barnacles! You made me spill me Dr. Pepper! Get me a napkin! ARGGGG"

Random pirate, "Here...here is your napkin."

Jack Sparrow, "I can't do it...you do it."

Random pirate, "You are old enough to do it yourself! NOW YOU WIPE UP YOUR MESS!"

Jack Sparrow, "But...me fingers are broken and me arm has an owie! You do it or you will walk the diving board!"

I could go on and on.......Unlike the original, her version would have been a blockbuster! What do you think? :D

Lapse of Judgement

2009-05-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

I bought my four-year-old weapons. I don't know what I was thinking.....

She didn't even get to play with them for a day before they were put in timeout....for pummeling her sister...mother....and papa.....

Ever make such a mistake? Please share....

The Lemon Bar

2009-05-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

I purchased a lemon bar from Great Harvest. I LOVE lemon bars from Great Harvest. LOVE THEM. If I could marry one....I would strongly consider it. Anyway, they are yummy goodness for the whopping price of $2. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am cheap, and it kills me to spend $2 on anything that is going to help my derriere get even bigger, but lemon bars are one of my weaknesses.

I bought one and thought happily all day of the moment when I would slowly eat it. I would be alone...maybe watching a little tv....savoring every bite. Well, the moment had arrived, and it was greatly anticipated. I bit into my lemon bar and it was everything I had wanted--an explosion of flavor! I took a second bite and stopped. I looked down at my fruity bar to see a long dark hair protruding grotesquely from it. I tried, unsuccessfully, to remove the hair. The hair seemed to be stuck in the crust, so I began to dig it out frantically. I was telling myself, that I would remove the hair, and all the matter around it, and then my lemon bar would be fine. Right? Well, that *$#%@blasted hair was all the way through my precious bar! All the way through it! I don't know if they have Rapunzel working at Great Harvest, but someone had certainly ruined my bar with their &*#$%^$& long hair! OH THE UNFAIRNESS OF IT ALL!!!

This is an actual photo taken of me at the time.....you can see I am distraught.

Don't worry, I got over it. Will I buy another bar from Great Harvest? I want to self-righteously tell you "Never Again." But, we all know the truth....Sad but true!

One question for you....if you find a hair, do you still eat the food? If it was small one, easily removed? Big C thinks I am disgusting to ask, but, sadly, if that hair had been small and easily removed, I would have inhaled that bar so fast......Oh, it makes me sad to think about it! :D

More "texas talk" and Twilight

2009-05-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I had a post about Doughie speaking in Texan. If you remember she told me that people from the "country of Texas" say, "Yee haw and a corn dog" all the time.

Well, a couple days ago, Sassy was running around the house yelling, "Yee haw and a piece of toast!"

Doughie stopped her and said, "Sassy that is not right! You sound crazy!"

I choked on my beverage....and coughed/cried/laughed for quite a while.

Twilight:
For all you Twilight lovers and haters, do I have a site for you! I found this the other night, via a friend, and I haven't laughed this hard since my honey told me he was making dinner! This self-proclaimed "Normal Mormon Husband" has figured out why women love Edward so much! Check it out and tell me what you think! Midnight Sun: Edward Undone!

Say "Sorry"

2009-05-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy and I play a game, it goes something like this:

Sassy crying, "That chair hurt me. Make it say sorry"
Me, grabbing the chair, using my "chair voice," "Sorry Sassy! I didn't mean to hurt you!"
Sassy, "Spank it!"
Me, lightly patting the chair, "Naughty chair! Naughty!"

For some reason, it always makes her feel better. We do it a couple times a week. Sometimes it is the point on the table that hurts her, an errant toy on the floor, doesn't matter what, it is always the same routine.

Well, the other day, she said, "Mommy, make my teeth say sorry to my finger!"

That is when I decided the game had gone far enough.....I knew that it was only a matter of time before I heard, "Make my hand say sorry for hitting Doughie." Also, I really don't want to here her say to me as a teenager, "Mom, make my hand say sorry for writing the wrong answers!" or "Make my lips say sorry for kissing that boy..."

You get the idea.

Do you have any similar "games" that sadly went awry?

What the flip?

2009-05-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

I entered a contest a couple weeks ago. It was a blogging contest and I was hoping to win a laptop. To enter, I had to join a website that is a lot like Facebook in its layout. You have a profile, people can write on your wall, etc. One way this website is nothing like Facebook, is that anyone can look and anyone can write on your wall.

I logged into my account the other day to find this beautiful message:

"Hello sweet mom,meeting you on these community.momlogic.com is my happiest thing.first and foremost i will like to bring out my feelings over you sincerely i am dieing for you.These is the reason i will like to make you my friend in any kind of friend you will want me to be.please you are the one to make a suggestion that any kind of friendship you suggest that is all i want you to be friend furthermost togetherness can move a mountain but loneliness has no progress.Those are my feelings i have for you.Have a lovely weather...And i will be expecting your words to make me feel alright.Thank you"

Brandon Tossin

Isn't that a beautiful message? It just warms the heart it does! I would be worried about the person who did find it appealing.

At first, I thought it was one of my brothers playing a joke--the name, especially, seemed fake. The fact that the joker was "dieing" for me also seemed like a line one of my brothers would tease me with. Yet, after some investigation, I found that this perp had been pasting this "lovely" message on hundreds of women's pages. The exact same message....copied and pasted over and over and over. Ironically, I got the message twice, that is how special I am!

I find it sad that you can't even enter a contest anymore without the fear of some weirdo preying on you. What do you think? Have you ever had something similar happen to you?

I didn't do it....swear!

2009-05-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy and I were at the library....a torture chamber when you have my child. Anyway, we had used the restroom and were looking quietly at the fish. An older lady walked over and began talking to Sassy:

Older lady, "How are you sweet little thing? Do you like looking at the fish?"

Sassy, "My mom broke the toilet!"

Older lady, "What?"

Sassy, "Ya..the pee won't go down. It stinks real bad!"

Me loudly and a little high-pitched, "I like the fish. Do you? They have a lot....don't you think?"

Do you think muzzles are very expensive? I have had people suggest duct tape....but that seems harsh. :D

Correction

2009-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I wrote a post about my daughter. I said that she sings the words to "Boogie Wonderland" as "Booger Wonderlannn". Well, she saw this post and was very unhappy. She has insisted that I post a correction. She told me this:

Doughie, "I don't sing it like that!"

Me, "How do you sing it then?"

Doughie, "I sing Booger WonderlanD." She emphasized the "D" with drama.

So there you go.....I stand corrected! :D

Botox

2009-04-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

This morning I was in the shower when the phone rang. I don't interrupt my shower time for anyone, so I ignored the call. Later, after drying off and dressing, I checked my messages. I honestly thought the call was going to be from my pesky dentist. I cancelled my cleaning last week and they have been calling every morning to reschedule. I don't know why they are in such a rush. I got my teeth cleaned six months ago...that's good enough! Right? Have I mentioned that I hate going to the dentist? HATE IT! Anything is better...even the OB GYN.

Anyway, back to my original story. The message was from my daughter's elementary school. They had called to tell me that my daughter was absent and wanted me to call with a reason why. My heart stopped because my daughter was supposed to be at school. I hastily called back and said breathlessly that she was there and that there was some horrible mistake.

Well, the receptionist put me on hold to check. She made me wait 3-4 minutes before returning. Normally 3-4 minutes wouldn't be a long time, but when you think your kid is missing...it feels like an eternity. I had horrible scenarios going through my mind of what might have happened. I mentally made a list of what she was wearing and carrying. I could see her walking to the bus with her neighbor friend looking so happy. I know I am being dramatic, but, at that moment, I realized how much I cherish my little girl.

Well, the lady finally came back and said, "I guess you are right. She is here. Her teacher marked the wrong kid."

Me, "Do you guess or do you know?" Yes, a little witchy, but I was freaked.

"She is here. I am really sorry for any inconvenience we caused...really sorry."

Any inconvenience? I think I aged 10 years during that 3-4 minutes. Do you think I could get her school to pay for my much needed botox? While I am at it, I might get a chest too...never had one before....it might be fun! :D

Ever had something similar happen? It is such a scary feeling!

What would you do?

2009-04-30T06:00:00.000-07:00

Do I take the time to untangle it?

Do I cut the poor dog loose? And, as a result, kill it.

Or do I throw it all away?

Today, I am leaning toward throwing it away..... :D

Ever have a day where it is just easier to throw it away then put it away? I am afraid I am guilty of this crime. But, what they don't know, won't hurt them....right?

Random thoughts of a warped mind....

2009-04-29T12:32:00.000-07:00

1. Why does popcorn smell like pee? Does pee taste like popcorn?
***I could smell pee in my daughters bedroom, which worried me because she is eight. It was just the theater popcorn from the day before....Nasty!

2. Why do my kids go potty in the tub, and then drink the water? This one really baffles me. (It may gross you out, but admit it, your kids have done it too!)

3. Why is it, when you have a new bottle of shampoo, the kids use half of it to make bubbles?

Example of #3.....

4. Why do they seem so surprised when you ask them why the shampoo is half gone? (see #3) They are the ones who dumped the shampoo.

5. Why do all the loud "disasters" occur as soon as you make a phone call? And you can't respond how you normally would because you don't want the caller to know you are "that kind of mom."

Do you have any random thoughts you would like to share?

Doda the Explorer

2009-04-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

"Doda the Explorer" is how Dora is known around our house. For the longest time it was "Doda the Explorenut" but it is gradually becoming more accurate.

Anyone who has watched this witty, well-written, not-in-the-least redundant cartoon, knows at the end, they always ask, "What was your favorite part?" Well, for once, Sassy didn't yell it at the screen. Instead she watched them wait, and then say, "We liked that too!" To this, Sassy turned to me and said, "They didn't wait for me! I didn't even say nothing!"

I told her, "It's okay. Maybe you can tell them something tomorrow."

Sassy said, "Nah....I don't think they can hear me anyway......"

I laughed for a long time.....

Do your kids like the interactive tv programs? My oldest hated them.....

Words? Who needs to know the right words to sing?

2009-04-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Doughie likes to sing in the car. Every ride, she puts on her headphones and sings to the movie "Happy Feet". Over and over we have heard the same songs...."Somebody to Love" by Queen, "I Wish" by Stevie Wonder and, lastly "Boogie Wonderland".

Unfortunately, my daughter doesn't always hear the lyrics correctly, and starts making up her own--like we all do. I have a brother who thought Metallica's song, "Sad but True" was "Sonic Youth". I have a sister who thought the words to the catchy Brian Setzer song, "Jump Jive An Wail" was "Drunk drivin' then you wail...". Understandably, she didn't understand why everyone loved that song.

So, to add one more to the list, my daughter sings "Boogie Wonderland" as "Booger Wonderlaaaaaannn!" Which to her and Sassy, is a probably a paradise.....

Sorry, one more about boogers.

Have you ever got the lyrics to a song wrong? Please share.

He's Here....See....

2009-04-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

The day before Easter, I sent Big C and Sassy to deliver a treat to our newly widowed neighbor. She is a wonderful neighbor and always remembers us and we wanted to remember her this holiday.

After being allowed into her house, Sassy, naturally went running wildly into all the rooms. (I often tell people if I ever want to get a tour of their home, all I have to do is bring Sassy. As I chase her, I get to see everything...quite handy for a snoopy decorator like myself. However, on the downside, I have seen some disturbing stuff--I will save that for another post!)

Anyway, as Sassy was running through our neighbor's house, she was yelling, "Where is grandpa? Where is grandpa?" (Please note: Sassy calls all our elderly neighbors grandpa and grandma. She firmly believes that all white-haired people are here to please and serve...her!) Big C, horrified, tried to reign our little "angel" in. Undaunted, she continued to ask "grandma" "Where is Grandpa? Where is Grandpa?" To which our dear neighbor replied, "He is gone. He is gone to heaven."

Sassy, looking confused, continued to look for "grandpa" when she spotted a picture on one of the end tables. She ran up to the picture and grabbed it and said smugly, "Here he is! Here he is! He hasn't gone anywhere! SEE!" She then went up to our dear neighbor and handed her the picture and said again, "He is here! See!"

Big C told me that he had a hard time keeping his emotions in check. When he came home and shared that story with me, I ugly cried--trust me, it is hideous and should be kept behind closed doors.

It amazes me what little ones come up with and on the day before Easter too. It helped me remember what my focus should be!

The Tantrum

2009-04-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have a pair of flip-flops (when I call them thongs, my daughter giggles). Anyway, my favorite flip-flops are dying. They are white foam covered in a black, mesh-like material--I didn't realize this until they started falling apart. I thought they were just black foam. Well, the black material has slowly been ripping...revealing the white underneath--not a good look. It looks like someone wearing ripped nylons....really classy! Now, admittedly, I am cheap and I love my thongs (giggle), I mean flip-flops, so instead of getting a new pair, I thought I would repair the damage with a black sharpie. So, I colored the white foam black. As I did this, I mentally patted myself on the back and thought smugly, "I am clever."

To treat myself for saving money, I went to Target to get a popcorn/pop combo. I love the popcorn/pop combo at Target...so much in fact, that I am good friends with the ladies that work at the food counter in Target. I got my combo and came home to enjoy my treat.

As you enter my house from the garage, the first room you enter is my mudroom/laundry room. When I came into the house, I put my combo on my clothes washer, because I had noticed something on my feet. I looked down at my left foot and found that my "clever" fix-it job was all over my toes and heel. As I looked, I leaned into my beverage and knocked it off the washer all over my laundry room floor. I stared in horror as pop and ice seeped into my rug and ran under my washer. As I reached up to get a rag to clean up the mess, I bumped my popcorn and dumped it all over the floor! I looked down to see my beloved popcorn and pop married together on my rug. I screamed a primal scream! My youngest came running. I warned her in a voice I didn't recognize to stay far away! I looked at what was left of my popcorn in the bag and grabbed it and smashed it to pieces. I threw my head back and swore! BLAST IT! It was a tantrum to be remembered. For the finale, I threw what was left of my popcorn into the garbage.

Fortunately, I did calm down...cleaned up the awful mess and mourned the loss of my treats. However, I wish I could say it ended well...I mistakenly used an old Wal-mart sack to throw the mess into...the popcorn, pop, ice, and all the nasty garbage I found under my clothes washer...all the awful mess went into this bag. Well, when I went to throw the bag away, all the remnants of my ruined treat dumped all over my rug through a hole in the BLASTED BAG!.....Cover your ears! SOB!!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I am happy to say that no one got hurt. After a while, I did calm down. And I did get to enjoy a little of my popcorn....because I dug it out of the garbage--the popcorn I crushed...not the Pepsi-soaked popcorn. I had to clarify, because I am gross, but not that gross. :D

Care to admit to any tantrums of your own? Yesterday...mine was legendary.

KILL IT!

2009-04-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, we were in the car when Sassy began screaming in terror, "MOMMY! MOMMY!" I about wrecked the car from the sheer emotion of her screams! As Sassy, continued to scream and cry, I finally pulled the car over. As I turned to assess the situation, I realized that I was quite shaken. Fully expecting to see a limb missing or an eye poked out, I turned to face the worst. To my confusion, I found my daughter, intact, tears streaming down her face, pointing at the window.

"What is wrong?!" I asked bewildered and a little perturbed.

Sassy sobbing, "There is a bee! There is a bee!"

I looked for the offensive insect and couldn't see it. So I asked, "Where do you see a bee?"

Sassy then pointed at her window! "Kill it! Please kill it!" she begged.

So, I got a tissue out of the console and got out of the car to do my worst. I walked around to Sassy's window.....licked the tissue, and wiped the black smudge off the window. It looked like a dirty thumb print.

As I got back into the car, Sassy was wiping away her tears and with great respect said, "Thank you mommy! I love you!"

Heaven help us if there is EVER a real bee in our car! I believe she will probably self-combust! :D

No toilet paper.......and other horrors.....

2009-04-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

My daughter and I were downstairs. She was playing and I was cleaning the nightmare lovingly referred to as my "craft room." Well, I was slowly putting away paper that I will probably never use, when I heard her call from the bathroom, "Mommy! Mommy! I need toilet paper! It is all gone!"

I called back, "Stay there and I will get you some!"

I ran upstairs (passing my massive storage of toilet paper on the way--I am not always thinking clearly) to steal a roll from my master bathroom. When I got back downstairs, it was to find the bathroom empty. I looked in the playroom and there was my dear, sweet 4-year-old playing quietly. I told her, "You always need to wipe! Why didn't you wait for me?"

She replied, "Oh...but I did wipe!"
Me, "How? There was no toilet paper....."
Sassy, "I used the towel...."

YUCK!!!! YUCK!!! YUCK!!!!!!!! YUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!

On the bright side, I now know if a towel is on the floor to not hang it back up again.....:D

It isn't always great to be chosen.....

2009-04-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

My nephew--what a handsome boy!

When my nephew was potty-training ten years ago, I was the novelty aunt whom he only saw a couple times a year. As a special "honor", he selected me to wipe his rump. I had been married for 5 years, and was adverse to children and their body fluids. All my in-laws knew this and chortled in glee when they heard his request shouted down the hall.

I wanted to be a good aunt, so I gingerly performed the honor, afraid of doing it incorrectly. When finished, I asked in relief, "Was that okay?" To which my cute little nephew replied, "No! You have to do it harder!" Naturally, he said it loud enough, that everyone in the living room heard and began shouting with laughter. After many tries, I finally performed the task to my nephew's specifications.

This story has become one of those stories that is shared yearly. My poor nephew is going to hear about this when he gets married.

Another story we always retell is about my dear brother Willy. As a little boy, he was singing the primary favorite, "Do As I'm Doing" as he was going potty. He has never heard the end of it.....

And now I want to share the story about my dear brother Rob....actually, we will save that one for another day...... :D

Do you have a story that has become a family legend?

Never Again is what he swore the time before.....

2009-04-21T06:00:00.002-07:00

I have a theory, I believe that glasses send out the following subliminal messages:

** Grab me off my owner's face--they will love it! You will see...their reaction will be instantaneous and exciting!

** I am alone on the counter....I need friends! Please grab me and twist me into a pretzel.

** Yet again, I am alone and within reach. Put me on and run around the house! And remember, don't put me back where you found me!

** The glass part is just for decoration. Poke it out with your fingers! Lick it if you like!

I told Big C about my theories and he wasn't amused.

Maybe...just maybe he wasn't amused because he had left his BLASTED glasses within Sassy's reach once again!

Ever had this happen? Please share....

Who knew Britney Spears and I had so much in common?

2009-04-20T06:00:00.001-07:00

NOTE: I even have that same non-existent top! The similarities are endless!

Last week, I had the opportunity to sing in church. It was Easter and the song selected was beautiful. I was singing with five other women and we had practiced diligently. At the time specified, we went forward to sing our song. I stood at one end and began to sing. Halfway through the song, there was a section where it was only accompaniment. During this time, I looked out over the congregation, with a smug smile as if to say "I am giving you the gift of music." At this time, I noticed my husband motioning to me. I am not good at lip-reading, so I started staring at him with an odd look on my face. After he realized I didn't understand, he started pantomiming very dramatically that he couldn't hear me.

When we began singing again, I tried to sing louder. I wanted to be heard darn it! I looked at him again and he shook his head. When we finally finished, I went and sat down and asked him, "Really, you couldn't hear me?" To which he said, "Were you just mouthing the words?" Thankfully, I didn't have to grace this question with an answer because my 4-year-old started yelling for everyone to hear. (Ironically, she can be heard just fine...too well in fact!)

After standing in the hall for the remainder of the meeting....I approached my honey again.

Me, "You really couldn't hear me?"
Big C, "I thought you were lip-syncing."
Me, "Really?"

I do admit, that after five notes above middle C, I go into Dog whistle mode.....some dog far away was enjoying my song....I KNOW IT! However, most of my part was below this mark, so I thought I did okay.

So, I said, "Well, I guess I was just eye candy today."
Big C, "I guess........" As if to say....whatever makes you feel better baby!

NICE.....

My Mom Logic

2009-04-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This is my post for the Mother of all Bloggers Contest! If selected, I have a chance to win a new computer! Wish me luck!

What is Mom Logic? Well, if you were to ask my girls, and they knew what logic meant, I am sure they would tell you, "Logic? There is no logic found here!"

Why would they answer this way? Well, I will share a few examples where my girls thought I was being highly illogical.

Illogical Mommy Example #1: I won't let my girls open one more sucker, until these three have been eaten. I am not concerned that the suckers in the bowl are not the "right flavor" or color--Life is so hard!

Illogical Mommy Example #2: I said "NO!" to Sassy's "new slide." I'm not exactly sure how she was planning to maneuver the remaining six stairs.....

Illogical Mommy Example #3: I only allow one straw at a time....This practice came to an abrupt end, when a sticky long straw slowly creeped over my shoulder with the intent of dipping into my personal beverage. When the yucky straw dripped on my light-colored shirt, I knew it was the end of an era.....my children were afraid.

Illogical Mommy Example #4: I don't allow the "pink potty" to be used as a stool in my kitchen. When this rule is ignored, I am not very happy. No explanation necessary.

Illogical Mommy Example #5: I found my 4-year-old's homemade ladder to be unsafe. She thought I was being very unreasonable. And, yes, that is her banned "pink potty" again.

Illogical Mommy Example #6: I have a rule that noses are to be wiped on tissues....NOT my dish towel! Sorry, there are no pics for this one, and it isn't from lack of opportunity. I just don't want to save that for posterity! :D

I know...I know....highly illogical! What a mean mommy I am! These are only a few examples and I have so many more!

Why am I "mean" and "illogical"? Well, it is because I love my girls and want only the best. Someday, they too will be "illogical mommies" and know why I said "no"....at least, I hope so!

Have you been an "illogical mommy"? Enforcing rules that are clearly arbitrary and made to annoy? Please share! This illogical mommy needs some company! :D

No caffeine before church....not a good thing...

2009-04-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

Sassy, as always, was being naughty at church. It is highly entertaining to watch for anyone who isn't her parent or anyone who isn't sitting directly in front or back of my little minion. When we first realized that our little girl was not so angelic at church.....a year or so ago, I apologized to anyone who sat closely and promised to never sit next to them again. I soon realized, that I wouldn't be able to sit by anyone again if I continued promising exile....so now I just apologize.

Well, this Sunday, during the sacrament, Sassy was under the seat, pulling on the legs of the people in front of us. When we stopped this activity, she started trying to force feed fishies to the children sitting behind us. After this activity was ended abruptly, she began complaining loudly, "I want water! I want water! My mouth is on fire! SEE!!" At this, she blew her hot, putrid fishy breath into Big C's face. Understandably, at this time, Big C marched her out into the hall.

After about 10 minutes, he came back in looking frustrated and haggard. As he sat down, he said loudly, "Anyone who will take her can have her for free!" I gasped and put my hand over his mouth--an action I usually save for Sassy. However, today, I was honestly afraid of what else might come loudly spewing forth out of my honey's mouth. I leaned over and whispered, "Have you had any caffeine today?"

He replied with a wild, half-crazed look in his eye, "What do you think?"

Moral of Story: NEVER LET BIG C GO TO CHURCH WITHOUT HIS MORNING DOSE OF DIET PEPSI!

Looking at the bright side, I am thankful there was no profanity! :D

It doesn't matter.....cause I'm cute!

2009-04-18T06:00:00.000-07:00

It was 60' degrees outside...balmy for Idaho in the Spring. I had taken my girls to the park and they were sweaty and happy. In the car, they decided to take off their shirts, because they were so hot. They invited me to remove my shirt, but I didn't think it would be as cute for some reason and declined.

On the way home, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get some groceries. I told my brother that I was going to grab Sassy and pretend to walk in "forgetting" her shirt. I told him that the fuss she would make would be entertaining. As always, my children make me look like a liar. I started to carry her into the store, without a shirt, and she didn't say a thing. After a few steps, I stopped and said, "Aren't you missing something? Don't you think we should put your shirt back on?"

Sassy, "Nope!"

Me, "But, everyone will see your naked chest!"

Sassy, "That's okay....it's cute."

Pray for me...this kid worries me.... :D

Since I have posted many pics of Sassy in just a diaper, I thought I would post someone else shirtless.

Yummy!

HO....HO.....HO......

2009-04-17T06:00:00.001-07:00

As a teenager, riding the bus to Jr High, there were jokes that people would share. This was back in the days before email and texting, so the jokes were on a piece of paper and looked like they had been copied multiple times over....remember these? One in particular I found hilarious....the one about poopies. It was a long list of poopies that someone thoughtfully compiled. It described poopies in ways that I didn't believe possible.....for example:

* THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" POOPIE
* THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" POOPIE

I am not listing the descriptions to these because my mom reads my blog. But you get the idea. (If you want to read more about poopies, sadly, there are many sites that have these lists--I found this doing my research for this post.)

Well, the reason I bring up this high brow list is because my 4-year-old experienced the "ghost poopie". The ghost poopie is the poopie that you work hard at, feel exit, and, yet, there is no poopie in the toilet!

Sassy was yelling from the bathroom, "Mom! Mom! Come here!" From her screams, I thought something horrible had happened. So I went barrelling down the hall to save her, to find her staring into the toilet.

"What....What is wrong? Are you okay?" I gasped....I really need to start working out.

"My poopie is gone....." Sassy said sadly.

Me, "Of course it is. You flushed it down the toilet. It is with its friends." (Long story that you don't want to hear.)

Sassy, "No Mom! I didn't flush yet! It just dissappeared!"

Me, "No....sometimes that happens. It is strange, but it happens!"

Sassy, "I know! Santa took it!"

She has blamed that jolly old elf with many things....this had to be the strangest. I can't even begin to comprehend how she came to that conclusion; however, I would be careful when reaching into your stocking this christmas! Sorry.......went too far.... :D

Easter baskets

2009-04-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

We have fabulous neighbors. It is one of the reasons we have stayed put for so long. One neighbor in particular spoils our children every holiday. On Monday morning, the day after Easter, I went out on my porch to find two baskets for my girls.

Each basket contained Dove chocolate eggs, Cadbury Eggs, Chocolate Easter bunnies, a gift card to McD's and this:

When Sassy saw the Peeps, she said, "HURRAY!! The bunny gave us turkeys!" She grabbed the box and went dancing around the room.

Later that night, we opened the "turkeys" to try them. My girls have never had Peeps before because I am not a big fan. As a kid, I would eat any kind of candy...I was desperate for candy. However, I remember the first time eating a Peep and thinking, "This doesn't taste like candy! Yuck!" I thought it was cruel to give peeps or these monstrosities:

Both are a mockery to the sacred name of candy....at least in my humble opinion. :D

Well, my girls tried the Peeps and Sassy said, "The bunny can have the turkeys back!"

Doughie said bewildered, "How can they make marshmallows taste like that?!" A question for the ages....

Sassy does have a point....they do kind of look like turkeys.

"Winkie Wonka" and the "Pee Pit"

2009-04-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

The English language defined by my 4-year-old:

Pee-Poo: translation: Winnie the Pooh--"I hate pee-poo!" For the longest time, I thought she was talking about potty training.

Winkie Wonka: translation: Willy Wonka--currently the favorite movie.

Binky Bell: translation: Tinker Bell

Pee Pit: translation: Arm Pit--Many eyebrows raise when your child is begging you to tickle their "Pee Pit" in Wal-Mart. Not a Good thing......

Berry Cake: translation: Strawberry Shortcake--"I want to watch Berry cake! She is SOOO Cute!"

Doughie: translation: Caitlin--If I knew why....I would be a rich woman.

Wee-Wa Room: translation: Play Room--"What are you doing in there? What are you doing in there?"

Wee Claus: translation: Santa Claus--At christmas time, Sassy informed me that she was going to ask Santa Or "Wee Claus" for body hair. Long story....ask me later....

Pee-Pire: translation: Vampire--Our ode to "Twilight". Sassy likes to say, "I don't like Pee-pire movies! They scare me out!"

Ironically, after all the talking about "Pee" and "Wee" she announces her need to use the restroom by saying, "I go to toilet now." She sounds like English is her second (or third) language.

It is funny, but she can say all these words correctly, she just chooses to use her own lingo.

Do your kids have their own words for things?

Yee Haw and a Corn Dog!

2009-04-14T09:19:00.001-07:00

Note: I googled a "goofy cowboy pic" and Gawl Durn It! I found one!

Doughie was running around the house pretending to ride a horse and was yelling, "Yee Haw! And a Corn Dog!" I stopped her and asked her what she said, because I wasn't sure I had heard correctly. She said, "You know, Yee haw! And a Corn Dog!"

I said, "What does that mean?"

She said in a superior manner, that she could have only learned from her father, "You know, I was talking Texas."

Me, "Talking Texas? What does that mean."

Again, with a look of unhumble condescension, "You know...that is how people from the country of Texas talk. They say "Yee haw" ALLLLLL the time!"

Me, with an odd gleam and smirk on my face, "REALLLLY? What else do people from the country of Texas say?"

Doughie, "You know...things like "Gawl Durn it!" and "Gee Howdy!" Things like that"

Me, "Please...tell me more...."

Doughie, "No...that is enough for now. You need to talk to somebody from Texas and learn for yourself."

At this time, I went running to the notepad on my fridge and wrote every "Yee haw" and "Corn dog" down snickering the whole time! Doughie watched, shaking her head, as if to say, "Poor ignorant thing..."

Have you kids said anything crazy? PLEASE SHARE!!

Proof I am a Mean Mom

2009-04-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

I won't let my girls open one more sucker, until these three have been eaten. I am not concerned that the suckers in the bowl are not the "right flavor" or color--Life is so hard.

I said "NO!" to Sassy's "new slide." I'm not exactly sure how she was planning to maneuver the remaining six stairs.....

I only allow one straw at a time....This practice came to an end, when a sticky long straw slowly creeped over my shoulder with the intent of dipping into my personal beverage. When the yucky straw dripped on my light-colored shirt, I knew it was the end of an era.....my children were afraid.

What proof do you have that you, too, are a mean mom?

A sign I watch too much House or Grey's Anatomy

2009-04-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

I was taking pics of my cute Easter decorations when I opened my daughter's bedroom door to find this disturbing scene:

That is my sweet little 4-year-old on top of Peter Rabbit's girlfriend. I asked her what she was doing and she told me that the girl bunny was dead....and that she was "breathing her alive again...."

Both my girls want to be nurses like their grandma, but sometimes I find their CPR games a little morbid. I wasn't sure if I should stop the macabre little game or ask her to recertify me. What would you have done?

Fishing.....

2009-04-10T06:00:00.001-07:00

The other day I was taking a shower. As I was shampooing my hair, the shower door slowly creeped open about 2 inches. I watched my daughter's little hand quietly put a piece of yellow yarn in the shower and softly close the door. I looked at the yarn, trying to figure out what the heck she was doing. At a loss, I asked Sassy, "What are you doing?"
Sassy quietly, "I am fishing...."
Me, "What are you hoping to catch?"
Sassy excitedly, "A big, fat fish!"
Me, "Well, sorry, but I am the only one in this shower."
Sassy, "I know...."

NICE.....

Scene from a nightmare....

Great Day for Birthdays!

2009-04-09T03:36:00.000-07:00

I want to wish two of my wonderful friends a Happy Birthday!

First is my blogging buddy 2busy!
She is:
* Kind.
* Beautiful.
* Thoughtful.
* Wickedly funny.
* A wonderful mother.
* A great friend.

Heck, she watched my colicky baby for almost a year. That in itself should get her into heaven! Big C and I hope you have a wonderful B-day LH!

Lastly, is my dear brother Willy!
He is:
* Kind.
* Generous to a fault.
* Thoughtful.
* Sick and twisted like me!
* A great listener.
* One of my best friends!

Willy, we hope this is the best birthday yet! How could it not be with all the fun things you have planned? :P

A couple birthday quotes:

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
Cora Harvey Armstrong

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
John P. Grier

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

I'm no expert.....

2009-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm no expert...but I think there might be some chafing if backpacks were worn this way.....with my thighs, it might start a fire.

I'm no workout expert, by any stretch of the imagination...but I do believe that sports bra is on backwards......not much support is being provided.

I'm no expert, but I think those pants aren't quite right......

Yep...different day, another pair of pants on backwards.....

Do your kids have any moments like these?

Peter Rabbit....banished

2009-04-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

I have finally found the energy to put out our Easter decorations. As always, I put our huge bunnies in the girl's room because they would end up there anyway. However, I noticed shortly after placing them there, that Peter was out in the hall. When I asked Sassy why she had moved him she said, "He was annoying me."

Personally, I find him to be a great listener.....

A Pullup Held Hostage....

2009-04-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

Are there any flowers? Are there any flowers? Flowers mean it hasn't been pee'ed. Dang! No Flowers!

Note to self: Buy new bathrobe tie. Burn the old one!

My bathrobe tie is the best toy in the house. My girls tie toys to it and hang them from the stairs--apparantly Elmo is suicidal on a regular basis. They also use it Tarzan style to swing down the stairs--I am just waiting for a broken limb. They use it for many, many adventures. My neighbors are wishing I would use it properly because they are tired of the peep show.

Do your kids have any odd "toys"?

The Alienating Post

2009-04-05T11:02:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that some posts receive many comments and others, the silence is so deafening you can hear the crickets? I am still learning which posts are going to be successful and which ones are going to sit....unloved. :D Have you ever thought, "This is a good one...." and get no comments?

* What kind of posts make you want to comment?

* What kind of posts do you like to read?

I am just curious....not that I am going to change anything. I would just like to understand the process better! As always, your comments will be appreciated! :D

Baffled...maybe you can help

2009-04-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

When we sing a particular hymn at church, it always has me shaking my head. I wonder what it could possibly mean....maybe you can help me. The hymn I am talking about is "Come, Ye Children of the Lord". It is a fun hymn to sing, with a quick tempo--honestly, I enjoy it. One line in particular, however, needs to be explained. It is in the 3rd verse, 2nd line, it sings, "We will shout in joyous lays." I looked to the line before this for help, and I am still flumoxed...."We will sing in songs of praise; We will shout in joyous lays."

Now I am not going to tell you what my filthy mind thought, so instead, I will tell you what Big C thought. I nudged him during the song and whispered, "What does this mean?" I could see him mentally slow-reading the line. He turned to me with wide eyes and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say "Darned if I know!" After a couple of seconds though, he smiled broadly--I think it is because he thinks the line is talking about chickens or maybe chips.

Help me! I would really like to be able to sing this song and know what I am singing. If you know....HELP!

My Workout...

2009-04-03T09:46:00.001-07:00

This is my workout partner--Tammie Lee. We have been working out together since the early 90's.

She is helping me get these:

Seeing I was working out barefoot, Sassy brought me these:

But, I stuck to this:

Side note: Insultingly, Big C asked me if this was an actual pic of my feet. Does anyone want to lend me money for a pedicure?

Additional Side note: Ironically, when I found this pic, Sassy said, "Papa's feet Mommy! Papa's feet!" SO THERE BIG C! NYAH! NYAH! Sadly, I still haven't grown up.

Spring Break in Repose

2009-04-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Over Spring break I learned:

1. After visiting five temples, we learned that our youngest thinks the Angel Moroni is "a guy shooting birds."

2. My oldest desperately wants cousins and shamelessly tries to set up my 24-year-old brother with any breathing female at the pool. She has told him repeatedly that he needs to tell a woman the following, "My niece wants cousins....how about it?" She doesn't understand why he is opposed to this....

3. My husband is shameless....actually, I already knew that.

4. I need to lose weight because I don't think my neck is supposed to overlap my jaw in pictures...and no, I am not posting any pics of this....I have a little pride left.

5. Sassy doesn't travel well....this is how it was after 30 minutes in the car....What joy!

How was your spring break? Learn anything new? Please share...

The bargain pants

2009-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Everyone who knows me...knows I love a bargain. After Christmas, I found a pair of pajama pants 90% off at Wal-Mart. They were only a $1. They weren't necessarily my style, but for a buck, I could wear them around the house.

Well, I tried my "bargains" on the other day and it was to mixed reviews. I walked out to the living room and asked Doughie, "What do you think?" She said, "Are those made for women?" (Never a good comment) I said, "Of course! They fit me don't they?" She said, "I guess...." and it sounded more like "not just no....but...."

So, I decided that I better go look at my $1 pants a little closer. I looked in my bathroom mirror. The pants are cream colored and have a funky picture on one of the legs...not too bad so far....after all, they were just a buck. I turned to look at my backside and that was when I knew the horrible truth. No ones hiney should look like that. My cellulite was on display in such a way that I vowed to diet that very day. Also, I didn't notice before, but the pants had a flashing light. So when I moved, it was like one of those "wide-load" trucks beeping as it backs up. Not a good look....even for around the house. Honestly, nude would be preferable.

I won't be wearing these "bargains" again. If anyone is braver than me....you can have them. Call me or comment and these babies are yours!

Fabulous pic of the "blinking light" and my shadow....

Please share if you have had a "Fabulous deal" like mine....

Another "Sweet Moment"

2009-03-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Another time we were trying to have a sweet moment.....

Doughie thought it would be great to get pics of us fake napping together. Sassy, as always, is trying to "cop a feel".

Many...many pics were taken. It soon became apparent that one of us was NEVER going to cooperate.

This is my "mommy dearest" look in action.

Ever have your "mommy dearest" look come out to play? Please share!

A sweet moment.....

2009-03-30T06:00:00.001-07:00

Sassy was sick. She was needy and wanted to be held all day. We were laying on the couch watching Spongebob together. She turned to me and we were face-to-face. We gave each other "Eskimo kisses" (when you rub noses together). Anyway, it was just a sweet moment. A moment that I wanted to remember for when she was older and no longer wanted to be with her mother.

She rubbed her hand across my cheek and said, "Momma?"

I said, "Yes? My little angel from heaven?" (That is what I call my girls when I am feeling especially motherly and generous)
She looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and said, "You have a mustache like Papa."

Nice....

I sincerely hope not......

The Tale of the Evil Cutter

2009-03-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Insanely, my sister and I went shopping to Ross-Dress for Less on a Saturday. Any and all things that later happened should have been expected, if not anticipated. Ross on a Saturday, is like a family reunion in hell--hot and uncomfortable, too many people, people touching you that you don't want touching you, babies screaming, tortured-looking men waiting for wives, I could go on and on.

Well, we piled our cart full of bargain treasures and went back to the miniscule dressing rooms. We could only take in eight items at a time, so we had to leave some of our items behind. The hairied attendant promised to watch or items, and we trustingly went in. Well, when I came out to get more items, it was to find that a couple of our skirts had sashayed over into another cart. I asked the lady for the skirts back and she pretended not to understand me. I gestured for the skirts back and she pretended not to see me. So, I asked the attendant for help, thankfully, I don't know how, she got the items back.

After trying on many outfits, we found some "gems" and went to stand in line. The lines were long and slow. We chatted happily about our "finds" and we slowly but surely got closer to the cashier. We were two people away and the anticipation of finally being able to leave was palpable. In fact, the lady in front of us, only had two items--bless her soul--and we knew our parole was almost over. In our eagerness to be free, we removed all the clothing from the hangers and put everything in piles to help our cashier. When to the right, this woman with a cart piled high, parked in front of the lady (remember two item lady?) parked directly in front of her. My mind couldn't quite comprehend what was going on. Internally, I yelled, "What the BLANK does she think she is doing?!!" But instead I croaked out a weak, "HEY!" To which the woman (in front of two item lady) turned around and sang out to us, "I was holding her place in line. You don't mind do you ladies?"

I was dumbstruck, out of the haze I heard my dear older sister say philosophically (at least that is how I am going to pretend she sounded), "Nice! So instead of them looking like witches for cutting, we will look like witches if we don't like it!" I smiled and tried to change the subject, but my mind was in agreement. "Pretend it didn't happen....don't worry about it. It doesn't matter. What would Oprah do?" I chanted internally.

At this time, the lady with two items (remember her?) turned around and said sweetly but loudly, "I hope you don't mind, but I am holding a place for four of my friends." To which the three of us all cackled meanly and turned to glare at the other two woman--who seemed highly insulted that we weren't more friendly about the situation.

I know....I know....we had a chance to take the high road and what did we do? We bought our clothes and road our brooms home.

Moral of the story: NEVER CUT IN FRONT OF HOT (as in sweaty) WOMEN, IN ROSS, ON A SATURDAY! Tis Ugly and should be avoided!

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Santa is Real!

2009-03-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

I had to share this picture....I remember when I took it, I was wondering what she was thinking about. When she got off of Santa's lap, I asked her and this is what she said, "That wasn't a helper. I believe that was the REAL SANTA!" That would explain the look of awe on her face. I like to think Santa is real too.....

Do your kids still believe? My oldest is eight, and is a firm believer....

I have a friend who thinks it is terrible to perpetuate the myth of Santa...what do you think? I think it is terrible to perpetuate child abuse and stuff like that....Santa is fun and teaches you to give....

I do admit, it is odd that we encourage our children to go sit on a stranger's lap, take candy from him, and tell him their deepest desires.....but I digress....